When I was little, I remember wearing out tape after tape of Disney movies, blissfully unaware of the pervasive consequences to which their story plots would ultimately help contribute.

The Little Mermaid was one of my favorites. I saw Ariel as a rebellious and independent creature, creative and talented beyond my wildest dreams.

But as I have gotten older and participated in a world with much more complexity than the days of my Ariel adoration, I have found that these childhood stories have royally screwed us.

When I take a deeper look, no longer do I see a tale of defiance of authority or pursuit of freedom. I see a young woman who was willing to give up everything that made her unique. She let go of all of her feelings, thoughts, dreams, hopes and voice in the name of love. I see a girl who was bullied and verbally abused by an overbearing father, followed and chaperoned by a male crab and in a constant whirlwind of manipulation and competition with another woman.

The idea of women being “naturally catty, requiring protection and incomplete without male companionship” is supported in this portrayal. The concept of “knights in shining armor” plays out in reality when men pull out chairs and carry groceries for women.

Similarly, women are told to be “ladies” by being submissive, delicate flowers that do not curse and certainly do not give too much away.

Young boys and girls are taught that we are to treat each other differently because, naturally, we are different. If this is true, let’s take a look at the consequences of those differences.

Doing things such as door opening, censoring profane language and using expressions like “miss,” “honey” and “sweetie” imply that women are purer, weaker and more innocent by nature. They cannot and should not be subjected to the same tough, harsh and smelly “World of Men.”

If these behaviors are acted upon repeatedly, they become “normal” and act as foundations for oppression.

That is where the danger begins.

While there is no question in my mind that most men do not rush to open a door for a woman and consciously think, “I’m only doing this to belittle her, muwahaha,” the fact remains that at the core of all of those actions is the thought that women are born sub-par to men.

Because these mannerisms are masked as “niceties,” women have learned that they should seek out and stay with men if they do these things. Subsequently, men have learned that women who are offended by those things are all up-in-arms over nothing. Or as Bart Simpson put it, “Oh, so you’re one of those, ‘don’t call me a chick’ chicks.”

So, I urge us all to rethink the roles we play.

What are the things that make us good friends, partners and lovers to one another? Things like honesty and respect, or opening car doors and paying for meals?

As a woman, I would encourage all other women to demand more out of the men we are surrounded by. A door opening is not a symbol of his respect for you. If, in passing, a man scoots over so you may proceed first, say, “No thanks,” or “You go ahead,” for there is no sensible reason that either sex or gender should walk before the other. By not participating in what seems to be a small and meaningless gesture, you are breaking up hidden sexism’s normal routine.

As for men, know that you are not inadequate, incomplete or somehow failing if you do not pick up every tab or grab every door for every woman you see. It is a completely unrealistic expectation for you to do all those things, nor should you have to.

Several years ago, I dated a guy who was frustrated that I did “too much” for myself. These outdated sexist views ultimately benefit no one.

Ariel and her sorority of Disney princesses have set the stage for decades of keeping women out of the public sphere and under the sea. And while we like to distance ourselves from any sexist motivations, we are not totally out of the water quite yet.