A resolution to end all resolutions

By Dan Martynowicz

Like many Americans, my New Year’s resolutions last about as long as an iPhone charge. According to a study published by the University of Scranton’s Journal of Clinical Psychology, 45 percent of Americans usually make New Year’s resolutions. Twenty-five percent of all NYE resolutions fail within the first week, and only 8 percent are successful in achieving their resolution.

The statistics are staggeringly against the successful completion of a resolution, so much so that I contemplated not making one this year so as not to disappoint myself upon its failure. Instead, I made one last resolution. No more New Year’s resolutions. Ever.

I know what you’re thinking: “Dan, you’re just saying that because you’re weak willed and can’t follow through with a commitment. You’re undisciplined, lazy and a little overweight.”

First of all, you’re mean.

Second, you may be right. I’m also genuinely happy, quick to laugh and slow to anger. Not a single one of these positive attributes was attained through the successful completion of a New Year’s resolution.

Before I get a bunch of hate mail over this column, please understand the following; I’m not advocating that you continue a lifestyle of smoking hamburgers because “that’s what makes you happy.” If you do smoke hamburgers, or any other product, you should stop. What I’m saying is this; it doesn’t have to be Dec. 31 for you to make a positive change.

Everyone has their faults. As you so graciously pointed out earlier, I have more than most. Thanks for that. And when I truly want to change something about myself, it’ll be because I want it changed. It will not be in the name of an artificial holiday or any other reason not related to my happiness.

So this New Year’s, I made a resolution to end all resolutions. It’s perfect; I only have to NOT do it once a year. And not doing it means I no longer have to participate in the resolution making, explaining or keeping process. But I’ll still keep every subsequent resolution.

And the best part of no longer having a New Year’s resolution? I have 364 days a year, every year, to make a positive change in my life. Happy New Year, my friends!