Ah, Halloween – an excuse for young women everywhere to dress like sexy versions of everything from kitty-cats to doormats. But how far is too far? Below is a list of ten of the weirdest “sexyfied” costumes of 2011. Yes, these are actual costumes. No, ladies, please don’t get any ideas.

10. Miss Freddy Krueger If having a diabolical, razorblade-clad hand doesn’t scream “sexy,” I don’t know what does. Oh, wait, maybe the ability to murder people in their dreams. No, that doesn’t seem right…and neither does this costume.

9. Heinz Tomato Ketchup What’s sexier: the classic scent of Heinz 57, or the way the bottle hugs every curve? Man, that’s a toughie. Try neither.

8. Keg Tap that keg, gentlemen. But first, remember to remove the giant metallic contraption on top of your lady’s head. Unfortunately, it’s just for show. She’s not really a keg, silly!

7. Chucky If having razorblades strapped to your fingers isn’t sexy enough, try dressing up as a sexed-up version of everyone’s favorite possessed, murderous doll. Hi, I’m Chucky…wanna play? Uh, I’ll pass.

6. Naughty Nemo Dressing up as a fish might send the wrong message if you’re trying to score a date on Halloween by dressing sexy (see “cold fish”). Dressing up as a kid-tested, mother-approved talking clownfish brought to you by Disney? Yeah, totally different message (see “creepy”). Please, for the love of Great Pumpkin, don’t send mixed messages to your little nieces and nephews this Halloween.

5. Sexy Elvis Elvis was a rock-and-roll icon. He also fizzled out alone on his toilet bloated and alone. Wearing this tight, white bejeweled jumpsuit to a Halloween party may also damn its wearer to a similar fate.

4. Judy Jetson Is it the fact that Judy Jetson is a cartoon character or the fact that she’s supposed to be sixteen years old that makes this costume creepier? Neither – it’s the fact that someone actually thought it appropriate to design a “sexy” version of little miss Jetson. Rut Roh.

 

3. Marge Simpson Oh, hell no. You are not going to disrespect America’s greatest TV mom like that. Leave Marge Simpson and her incredible blue bouffant out of this.

 

2. Unicorn A unicorn weeps every time a young woman parades around in one of these tight, furry costumes. Don’t trouble such a majestic creature with your frivolous pagan displays of human sexuality this Halloween.

1. Sexy Spongebob Dude, Spongebob’s on! It’s my favorite cartoon. Oh, wait, that’s just a chick in a weird, vaguely sexual Spongebob costume standing in the window at a Halloween party. What’s even more disappointing is the blatant disregard of who Spongebob Squarepants is. He’s a yellow sponge who wears square pants, not a tan girl who wears short skirts and knee-highs! If you love Spongebob enough to dress up like him for Halloween, you better do it right – as in, cardboard box and a gallon of yellow tempera paint.

A few words of advice: Just because you can make it sexy doesn’t mean you should. There’s creative, there’s sexy, and then there’s downright silly. Which route will you take this Halloweekend?