This past weekend I was really proud of local governments and community groups throughout this great nation. The numerous community events they planned gave time for us Americans to unite and have fun with our loved ones.

Although family time this weekend was special, the best part about it was watching television. With football fever and blockbuster Sept. 11 tribute advertisements it felt like Super Bowl weekend. Anheuser-Busch, Hooters, Southwest Airlines, State Farm, and Verizon all made me cry red, white, and blue with their patriotic remembrances of that sorrowful day.

I do not know where I would be if those wonderful corporations were not there to ease my anxiety; especially Anheuser-Busch. I know I woke up in the morning and thought to myself, “To whom are Hooters girls thankful?,” and “I wonder if those socialist horses are going to pay their respects.”

Not only was my anxiety relieved by the day’s end, but my sense of capitalism was rejuvenated. Those corporations are brilliant! I know death profiteering is common for deities and presidents, but I would have never thought of doing it to private individuals.

Light bulb: tragic product placement. Corporations can pay people to take their product to emotionally painful events in life. Taking your pet to be euthanized? Have your pet take its last ride in a new 2012 Ford F-150 and post it on YouTube; to get more hits Ford should trick the truck out with spinners and hydraulics.

Better yet, breaking up with a significant other? Make sure to take a camera and if you can post a picture on Facebook with a Pepsi in the background while your boyfriend is in tears, you can win $100!

Genius! Nascar-like caskets and jumpsuits that you can bury loved ones in. Granted, that image might not appeal to an internet or television audience, but family members keep photos like that around forever. Imagine a child siting on their parents lap flipping through photos. First the child sees happy pictures of their parent as a child with what looks kind of like their grandma and asks, “who is that?” The parent with a warm tone in their voice says, “That was your grandmother’s mother, my grandma.” Bam! After a couple more pages of smiling faces and tender stories, funeral pictures with grandma in a Marlboro jumpsuit and in a silver and blue coffin sponsored by Lowes; child makes positive associations with the companies, cha-ching.

Thank you again to all those citizen who put thought and effort into making the 10th anniversary of Sept. 11 as pain free as possible, and massive ups to the corporations that said, “Can you hear me now?” during a moment of silence.