The focus of today’s debate rests in the Supreme Court’s 2010 decision in Citizens United v. Federal Election Commission. In that decision, the court overturned a century of precedent excluding corporations from “free” speech and legislation setting limits on the maximum amount of money citizens can give during election cycles.

In my opinion, the Court’s reasoning to extend the First Amendment to corporations is flawed. The Court relied on the Assembly Clause of the First Amendment, which gives citizens the right to peacefully assemble to petition the government for a redress of grievances. The Court inferred that since corporations are an assembly of people, then corporations are protected under the First Amendment.

When I think of assembly in First Amendment terms, I do not think of General Motors; rather, I think of those people in the colonial United States, and modern Egypt, Libya, and Syria, who assembled for one purpose: the redress of grievances. Protection against being thrown in jail and physically harmed by your government because you are protesting it is what I believe the purpose of the Assembly Clause to be.

In the public forum, the Court’s ruling created a debate over if corporations are people. Personally, I think comparing corporations to humans is absurd, and it would be a waste of space to rehash the arguments against corporate personhood which you probably have heard.

Instead, for all of you who think corporations are not people, I say let us lose this battle. Call your elected representatives and tell them you are in favor of a constitutional amendment that includes corporations within the term people.

“Why?” you ask. It is really simple, if corporations are people then they are not guaranteed just one right, but through the Privileges and Immunities Clause of the 14th Amendment, they are guaranteed all rights.

Still not following? Well, under the 13th Amendment – if corporations are people – it would be illegal for any human to own a corporation, and it would be illegal for any corporation to own a human or another corporation.

Under the Equal Protection Clause of the 14th Amendment, it would be unconstitutional for the Federal Government to tax corporations and humans separately, and for local governments to offer tax incentives to John Deere to relocate to their town and not John Smith.

Also, our judicial system would show clear inequity if it ever just fines Goldman Sachs for misleading investors, and sentences a human, Brokeman Scams, to 5 years for fraud.

So Happ, I will join you in your fight to make corporations people. We do, however, have one obstacle in our way: an overwhelming majority of humans disagree. In national polls, disagreement with the Court’s decision runs between 60 to 80 percent. And I took an opinion survey of NIU students, and 76 out of 100 students believe corporations should not be protected under the Constitution.

Oh well, who cares, we will just drown out their voices with money; mwahahahaha!