Angry Birds movie idea seems ridiculous

By Jason Pfrommer

It’s nearly impossible to go to the movie theater, look up at the marquee and see a movie that isn’t a sequel, prequel, remake or a movie based off an already existing idea.

In light of this recent realization, it should come as no surprise that someone decided the only thing missing from the world of cinema was a movie based on an iPod application.

Angry Birds will now not only be accessible from your list of countless iPod apps, but it will also be hitting the big screen in 2014 according to My only question: why?

Audiences have been subjected to countless films that have made them think about how much they wanted their time and money back.

Think about the worst movie you have ever paid to see and tell me if it measures up to this: 90 minutes of multi-colored bird heads being launched out of a slingshot (some of which die upon impact) into shoddily constructed buildings. The birds’ only objective is to destroy the green pigs seeking shelter in a house that was obviously engineered by something without opposable thumbs. Once the birds have razed the less-than-structurally-sound creation, made generally of dice, dominos and balsa wood, the pigs are crushed to death or die of blunt force trauma.

I hope they weren’t planning to make this into a movie for children because this sounds terrifying. The team at Rooster Teeth has actually captured my idea of what Angry Birds would be like as a movie pretty well.

Another problem I foresee is the movie’s projected release date. Will it still be popular or will the latest game, Upset Pandas, take its place? According to Business Insider’s website, Angry Birds has been downloaded more than 200 million times and a second game is in creation. That seems great, but 2014 is a long time away and do you remember Beanie Babies, Furbies or that G6 song? Where did they all go?

I don’t care how great a game Angry Birds is; it has no business being on the big screen. Pong was considered a great game when it came out, but I don’t remember someone thinking it would be a fantastic idea if we made a movie about two rectangles that passed a ball back and forth. I also don’t recall any movies about two yellow circles that find love after eating a bunch of ghosts.

I understand that, in an economy such as ours, it helps to have a preexisting market before you release a product, but think about all the video games that are better suited to be turned into feature length films.

I’ll start you off: Zelda, Metroid and God of War. Mind you, I’m not saying these movies would be great, but each of them already has something Angry Birds doesn’t: a plot.