A few weeks ago, I wrote a column in regards to efforts in several states to implement concealed-carry laws on college campuses.

At first I was against it, but I retract my opinion and believe that concealed-carry laws should be implemented on college campuses as long as it isn’t restricted to guns.

Every student should be able to carry not only a concealed gun, but also carry concealed swords, crossbows, vials of mustard gas, whips, nunchucks, ninja stars, mini-catapults, bags of dry ice, fire-ant farms, tridents, spiked-bracelets, brass-knuckles, sledgehammers, tables, ladders, chairs, electric hammers, boomerangs, bow and arrows, keys, knowledge, rabid Chihuahuas, flamethrowers, Gillette Pro Glides, nail-bats, actual bats, socks filled with nickels, phone books with Dennis Franz’s autograph, chainsaws, bear-traps, claymores, lasers, bazookas, airstrikes, tiger blood and loudspeakers hooked up to Rebecca Black’s “Friday.”

I think then and only then will students be able to walk around campus worry-free of impending danger.