I am a grown man. Most people in this town would consider themselves adults.

However, how can we explain the fact that in less than one month, both Barney (yes, the purple dinosaur) and Drake Bell (of Nickelodeon’s “Drake and Josh”) will be coming to DeKalb?

Eric Gorski of the Associated Press wrote a piece that was published on MSNBC.com which states, “A study of more than 2,300 undergraduates found 45 percent of students show no significant improvement in the key measures of critical thinking, complex reasoning and writing by the end of their sophomore years.”

I understand, Mr. Gorski, that it may be true that my contemporaries are doing little else in college except for drinking and sleeping, but do we really deserve to be subjected to Barney? Or Drake (March 26, in case you are still a pre-teen)? We may not be learning much more than the difference between Top and Rizla-brand tobacco papers, but are we getting dumber?

Are there that many families in DeKalb that the demand came for Barney? I do plan on getting an interview with the infamous dinosaur to ask him about his current projects and how he feels speaking to DeKalb’s student population, but until then I am grasping at straws.

I implore you, my peers, to start getting some semblance of culture in your lives. Going out and binge drinking every weekend is not something I have the ability to criticize, but why can’t you drink those beers at a bar while watching a non-cover band play? What is stopping you from going to the House Cafe, Otto’s or even Starbusters to watch some live entertainment?

I hear the same thing every time I ask this of someone: I don’t have the money. Well, the next day I have to sit in class hearing about how hung over you are and how much you had to drink, like it was some sort of personal accomplishment to black out in the dorm cafeteria. To be honest with you, if I had to choose to spend my $6 on going to a concert or getting a six-pack, I’d go see the concert.

Is this the Convocation Center and Kickstand Productions’ way of saying to you, the students, that if you aren’t going to make an effort to gain some sense of culture while still in college, that they will instead cater to the kids? There is a chance now that children will have seen more concerts in 2011 than college students. Gone are the days of Kanye West/Common/dt double bills, instead replaced by some over-sized dancing sock puppet? I bet that this is one of the Convo’s most successful bookings. Passion Pit played, and I didn’t hear anything about it. Drake (the rapper) played to a lukewarm crowd; T-Pain was the same way. Did the Campus Activities Board drop the ball, or is there really just more of a demand for prehistoric animals than autotune?

I honestly doubt it. The Barney event (Feb. 27 in case you’re interested) does not even offer student ticket discounts, which I feel is a rip-off.

You just wait and see, DeKalb. If I get an interview with Barney, I’m not pulling any punches. We are getting to the bottom of this.