November is the time of year when boys become men.

Ladies, beware, at midnight on the first, No-Shave November commences; a month long pageant for boys to show off their rugged manliness. Much beer drinking and meat eating coincide with this month-long event.

The history of “Noshember” is uncertain. Not shaving to promote water conservation and pure competition between friends are the varying versions.

“I am participating in No-Shave November for two important reasons,” said Erik Meyer, an NIU alumnus and a man among men. “First, I think of it as a great way to honor our Neanderthal ancestors, and the pains they had to withstand not being able to shave efficiently. Second, I think it gives us a brief glimpse into the pains of those who grow superior beards such as Dr. [Tim] Griffin, NIU Ombudsman.”

According to No-Shave-November.com, there are only five rules for the month. The first two are, “Do not shave in November.” Sounds fairly simple. If one shaves, he is out. The website also lists the benefits of beard growing, beard facts, quotes and pictures of beards.

November is a devastating time for all of the man-boys out there who cannot grow facial hair and all of the ladies who can.

“I’m not intentionally participating,” said Chris King, senior communications major. “I just grow my beard back for winter. I’m just glad I’m not one of those guys who can’t grow a beard.”

No-Shave November is not a favorite month for the wives and girlfriends of these hairy beasts.

“If my boyfriend participates I wouldn’t be angry, but he may get less kissing time for the sake of my face,” said Ashley Schulter, senior marketing major.

Facial hair is scratchy. If men insist upon growing coarse hair on, around or about their face, their significant other will appreciate if they also start using a very deep conditioner.

Women can also participate. Some may choose not to shave for the fun of it. Some may participate purely in retaliation to their bewhiskered boyfriends.

Of course, No-Shave November inevitably turns into ironic, terrible facial hair December. This is my favorite part. Guys walk around with handlebar mustaches, creepy pencil-thin ‘staches and Wolverine-esque facial hair.

This makes mustache wax a great Christmas gift.

I believe Guy Fawkes would say,

“Remember, remember the beard of November

The mustache, the chinstrap, and chops.

Men see no reason why facial hair season

Should ever be forgot.”