Movie sequels that should never be made

By DEREK WALKER

National Lampoon’s Chinese Vacation

Synopsis: Clark and Ellen Griswold round up the kids (now in their late 30s) for one more out-of-state whirlwind adventure. Chevy Chase and Beverly D’Angelo both need money and return to the roles they made negligibly famous for a vacation so out of control, it’ll have viewers seeing red!

On sabbatical to see the newest Wally World in Shanghai, Clark’s quest of having fun goes south in a hurry after asking Chinese president Hu Jintao if he was Yao Ming. Rife with topical, PG-rated humor on a PG-13 budget, this vacation is the best one yet.

Why it won’t work: Chase felt more comfortable as host of his own popular late night talk show and declined to return. Additionally, the producers felt a film about “having fun” in China was a relative improbability.

Younger Frankenstein

Synopsis: Taking a hint from films like “Dumb and Dumberer” and “Son of the Mask,” 82-year-old director Mel Brooks puts a most ironic capper on his career by sequeling one of his most successful works.

Child actor Josh Flitter rights the ship, shoring up the youth movement that currently captivates the American audience. This feel-good comedy takes a look into pre-teen Dr. Frankenstein’s school days, from his reanimation of a dead worm in his seventh grade science class to being picked on by the crazy old hall monitor, played by Brooks himself.

Why it won’t work: Brooks backs out after producers disagree with his demanding the film be animated. “Scary Movie” directors Shawn and Marlon Wayans briefly consider picking up the project, but instead chose to do “In Living Color: The Motion Picture.”

Rest Home for Dogs

Synopsis: Before all dogs go to heaven, they must live out their twilight years in the comforts of an animal hospice illegally owned and operated by Emma Roberts and Jake T. Austin. With “Hotel for Dogs” still in theaters, director Thor Freudenthal is hoping to capture lightning in a bottle. And with a name like Thor, that very well may happen.

Ripping the “heart” out of “lighthearted,” the two teen actors take on more dramatic, true-to-life roles in this gritty, R-rated portrayal of life after the doggie door, but before death’s door.

Why it won’t work: Nickelodeon opts out when the film takes a different direction, backing a pro-pet euthenization message. Citing the tag line of, “Let sleeping dogs lie. Permanently,” as negligent and callous.