This week’s rejected column idea: The top ten reasons why LeShon Johnson should shut up the next time ESPN shoves a camera in his face.

Since I have this odd phobia about baseball bats and 2 a.m. crank calls, I’ve decided to address a less volatile subject this week—religion. (Please note the overriding tone of sarcasm in this statement.)

I was walking through the MLK Commons, engrossed in a world of my own thoughts and imagination, when my daydreaming was rudely interrupted by some guy who said I was going to hell. I stopped dead in my tracks.

“What did I do?” I thought defensively.

Then I realized he wasn’t saying I was going to hell, he was preaching that everyone like me was going to hell. He was pacing the center of the Commons like he owned the place, saying because I believe in myself and have faith in my own abilities and don’t run to his God to make every decision of my life for me I’m going to “burn in flames for eternity.”

This annoyed me. Granted, this isn’t the first time I’ve been told I’m going to be damned for my beliefs—or lack thereof—and it won’t be the last, but that realization didn’t make this guy or his religious banter any easier to palette.

It’s not spiritually safe to walk across this campus anymore without hanging an upside down pentagram from your nose, for fear of being bludgeoned over the head with a Bible and being dragged off to a scripture study. And I’m tired of people coming up to my front door, waking me at 8 a.m. and wanting to talk to me about God, when I was talking to God only six hours before while hanging over the toilet. Can’t you people at least call first?

Seriously, the guy in the Commons, or anyone else who goes around ranting about the fire and brimstone of religion, is giving God a bad rep. I have chosen my beliefs for my own reasons and after a great amount of contemplation. I admit totally that they might change, but not on account of this or any other self-righteous weasel.

And don’t get me wrong. I’m not contradicting my belief in the First Amendment here. Speak freely about religion all you want—I know I do. Just don’t sit on your moral high horses and toss decrees and “you’re going to Hell” hate speech at anyone naive—or unlucky—enough to step into earshot. Yes, you have the right to say whatever you want, but if you’re going to preach with a closed mind, honestly, I’d rather you just shut up. The majority of religious people don’t do this, but those of you who do give everyone associated with religion a smelly pile of bad publicity.

So why do we have all these people on campus trying to cram the Holy Bible down everyone’s throats? Because students find themselves in a totally new world when they come to college. They’re uprooted from their support systems at home and are forced to find new soil here at NIU. And, let’s face it, this gives any nickel and dime preacher with half-a-dozen Bible quotes the opportunity to cultivate the minds of all these young, unsettled college students.

This column is not aimed at the majority of the religious community here at NIU. You are right to believe in whatever faith you have taken—or lack thereof—because it is your responsibility to nurture your spirit how you see fit and to the best of your ability. No one has the right to forcibly challenge you on your beliefs except for yourself.

Those of you who do think you have the right to go around telling people how they should live their lives and what they should believe in, however, should grow up. Examine yourself before you go tearing into others beliefs. Check for planks in your eye before you go poking your fingers into mine. And, since I doubt many of you salvation-pushers are really going to take this column seriously, I’d like to add a bit of information that might be easier to understand.

If you are out in public telling people what’s wrong with them and how they should live their lives and somebody starts shouting insults back, they’re not ridiculing your religion, they’re ridiculing you.