After years of trying to expand its psychology department, the College of Liberal Arts and Sciences has allocated the funds to begin a new program.

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After years of trying to expand its psychology department, the College of Liberal Arts and Sciences has allocated the funds to begin a new program.

On Monday, Chairman Charles Miller announced the hiring of the former chief resident of psychiatry at Massachusetts General Hospital in Boston, Dr. Tobias Funke.

The MIT graduate developed a new study of psychology from his experience as an analyst and therapist.

“Dr. Funke’s revolutionary program will make NIU the first university in the world to offer analrapist courses,” said Miller.

“I am extraordinarily proud to be teaching the student body everything I know about analraping,” said Funke at the press conference.

Funke perfected his analyst-therapist hybrid technique between 2005 and 2007. During the two years, his medical license was revoked in Massachusetts for performing CPR on a Rhode Island man who was not having a heart attack, but rather sunbathing.

Funke is able to legally practice all forms of psychology in Illinois.

Funke said the new program is still in its infancy, but hopes to develop it into a groundbreaking field of psychology.

“As the only analrapist around, I will be targeting younger students,” Funke said. “They will be less resistant to my techniques.”

Funke gained notoriety in early 2000 when he wrote a self-help book, “The Man Inside Me,” which became popular among certain circles of men. He also developed a self-help video, “Families with Low Self-Esteem.” It was a minor success because people confused it with “Girls with Low

Self-Esteem,” a video where women expose their breasts for hats.

In the mid 1990s, Funke, wife Lindsay and their daughter Mae formed a folk group called “Dr. Funke’s 100% Natural Good-Time Family-Band Solution.” The group performed jingles promoting new medicines. Their trademark was having Maeby quickly recite the medicine’s side effects at the end of each song.

All performances were underwritten by the Natural Life Food Company, a division of Chem-Grow, an Allen Crayne acquisition, which was part of the Squimm Group. Their motto was simple: “We keep you alive.”

Funke has battled personal demons throughout his life. Since he can remember, he has always been a nevernude, “Which is exactly what it sounds like,” said Ron Howard, narrator of a documentary about the yet-to-be-recognized-by-the-CDC illness.

Funke must wear cut-off denim shorts at all times.

He also recently suffered from a case of graft-versus-host disease when he received hair plugs. Though he could have been cured of all symptoms if he simply removed the plugs, he chose to keep them in for two months, nearly dying. He reluctantly had them removed after a benefit was held in his honor. When the beneficiaries discovered there was a cure, a riot ensued.

In the spring semester, Funke will teach “Understanding Arrested Development.” The course will focus on the experiences that lead to a person ceasing to progress mentally, physically and emotionally, all with an analrapist’s point of view.

“I hope to have very student understand “Arrested Development” so it can enrich their lives and make them better people,” Funke said.