Coming off the heels of last night’s sit-down debate, Senators Obama and McCain have agreed to come together once more. Moving away from tired, trivial topics such as the economy (which is booming), foreign policy (also booming) and the war (literally booming), the subject of this, the fourth debate tackles a far more important matter: “Scooby-Doo, Where Are You?”

With my crystal ball in hand, here is a preview that contest:

Moderator: Candidates, tonight’s discussion is on the 1970s animated program, “Scooby-Doo, Where Are You?” Our first question comes from Linda Bermant of Pittsfield, Massachusetts. Senator Obama, as you won the coin toss moments ago, you will answer first. I didn’t even know we had coin tosses at a debate but alas, I have been proven wrong yet again. Linda, go ahead.

Linda Bermant: Thanks, Tom. Senator Obama, who would you say is your favorite of the gang, and why?

Barack Obama: Linda, that’s a tough question. On one hand, you’ve got Shaggy. What would the Mystery Machine be without Shaggy riding in back? He’s hilarious, but clearly, the, uh, breadwinner of this show, and all subsequent “Scooby”-themed shows, is Scooby himself: a pup who truly picked himself up by the bootstraps and did something for his life. Not only is he man’s best friend, but he’s useful. When there is a locked door in a haunted mansion, who does the, uh, gang turn to but Scooby-Doo and his transforming tail key? Scooby-Doo. That’s who.

Moderator: Senator McCain, your favorite “Scooby” character?

John McCain: Linda, it’s not about who’s the “best” or who my “favorite” is; it’s about who is the most experienced for the job of ghost hunter and mystery solver. And that, my friends, is Freddie Mac. A poised leader, Freddie is the owner of the Mystery Machine and is a great American, a real strong individual with the drive to succeed. The only mystery surrounding Shaggy and Scooby is where they hid the psychedelics. Am I right? But how about that Freddie? How about the job he does? Heh? HEH?! How about him?

Moderator: For the record, Senator McCain, Freddie’s surname was “Jones,” not “Mac,” although I can see how one would be confused. Not really, but anyway, our next question comes from Stephen Adams of Duluth, Minnesota, and is sure to tickle your fancy, Senator. Go ahead, Stephen.

Stephen Adams: Senator McCain, first off, I’d like to say that it is an absolute honor to be here. Now, I spent the better part of the ‘70s in Vietnam, which caused me to miss much of “Scooby Doo’s” original run on television. As both a veteran to these United States and Saturday morning cartoon lover, what are your plans to make sure those currently fighting overseas do not miss a single second of their favorite animated programs?

John McCain: My friend, let me tell you how proud I am that you served your country. You are a true American, a proud American. How many years did you serve, young man?

Stephen Adams: Eight years, sir.

John McCain: Eight years. Would you look at that. Thank you, Stephen. You are a patriot, a true American.

Moderator: Senator McCain, bear in mind you have yet to answer Mr. Adams’s question.

John McCain: But I already did.

Moderator: No, Senator McCain, he answered your question. His question to you was about your plan to make sure the soldiers fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan can see their favorite television programs despite their round-the-clock schedule of saving lives and taking names.

John McCain: Oh. Right. Well, Stephen, my plan is simple: Upon the individual soldier’s successful return home – and trust me, my friends, it will be successful – we will provide them with a full video library full of their favorite television programs, “Scooby Doo” or otherwise.

Moderator: Senator Obama…

Barack Obama: Stephen, allow me to answer you in a series of vague allusions that have little to no reference to your actual, uh, question. Do you Hulu? John McCain doesn’t Hulu because he doesn’t even know how to check his email, let alone turn on a computer. My plan is to, uh, offer our troops laptops. Big ones with expansive, uh, internet capabilities and wireless cards. Therefore, when not on duty, they could watch whatever program they want, whenever they want. If Joe Six-pack in Kabul is ticked because he missed last night’s Gossip Girl, guess what, Stephen? He’ll sign onto Hulu and be able to catch up. I estimate this plan as costing no less than 600 billion dollars.

Moderator: OK, that sounds like a terrible allocation of funds. Unfortunately, we are going to have to cut you off right there, Senator. Fortunately for me, however, that is all the time we have for this fourth, hopefully final debate. Keep with us here on CNN while I venture to the backstage area for a much needed warm, soothing bottle of gin. Goodnight, America.

This article is a work of fiction.