With Detox opening its doors in just a few weeks, here are a few suggestions to avoid the same downfalls that other bars have had in the same location.

5. Fights

After a long day’s work, the last thing you want to deal with is a police barricade around the parking lot entrances to your apartment complex because another bar fight broke out. Sure, everyone loves to stop and watch the commotion, but previous business tenants at the location attracted a little too much of this kind of attention.

4. R. Kelly (or whoever decided to park a tour bus on the Annie Glidden and Lincoln Highway intersection the night he performed at Bar One)

Let’s face it, there are better places to park your tour bus than the Annie Glidden and Lincoln Highway intersection. No kidding, the university offers thousands of free parking spaces on the weekends including the three thousand parking spaces less than a mile down the road at the Convocation Center. Nothing personal, but it took less time to get down Lincoln Highway during the 2007 flood than it did the night the tour bus set up shop.

3. Underage Drinking

It happens. No matter how hard authorities, business owners and well-intended citizens try to stop it, there will be underage drinking. Just put in a reasonable effort to card all patrons. Every liquor-selling establishment needs to obey the law. Failure to do so leads to losing one’s liquor license. It’s getting far too difficult to keep track of what the bar at 1000 W. Lincoln Highway is called.

2. Annoying dress codes

It’s OK for a bar to have a dress code, but don’t overdo it. It’s OK to say “don’t come here looking like a slob,” but c’mon, some people only know how to rock hoodies and hats. The U advertised a very strict dress code that likely turned off a fair amount of potential patrons. Keep it reasonable and the people will come.

1. Excessive cover charge

Any cover charge over $5 in DeKalb – with the exception of really, really special events – should be met with formal protest by the local drinking populace. I’m talking picket lines, rhyming chants and empty messages of betrayal. Would it kill you to shout in iambic pentameter while you did it, too? It gets very annoying when you head out to the bar to meet up with some friends and you only have $20 in your pocket, only to sack half your money at the door. Three drinks tops along with a lousy tip and you’re done.

Joking aside, Detox is advertising no cover on Thursdays.

On behalf of all potential patrons, thank you!