INTER-GENDER MEMO

RE: Cosmopolitan, May issue – “67 New Blow-His-Mind Moves”

To: The Ladies

From: The Fellas

It doesn’t take much to blow our minds. Here’s a short list, off the tops of our collective heads:

1. Naps

2. When you smell good

3. Indiana Jones

4. When you make us sandwiches

That’s just about it. You don’t have to worry about fancy positions or elaborate, complicated hand-manueuvers (though you certainly can, if you want to).

What I’m getting at is this: Cosmopolitan would have you believe that men are complicated animals, but the truth is, we aren’t. That’s you. That’s what you are.

With that said, here are a few quick responses to “67 New Blow-His-Mind Moves” from this month’s Cosmo. However, due to the graphic nature of some of the “moves,” I can only offer you my take and allow you to figure out the rest.

#4 – “Nice to meet you”? Try something a little more appropriate, such as “Allah Akhbar!” or “Fahrvergnügen!”

#8 – Don’t forget to hang up first …

#17 – I’m not sure if “like she was polishing an apple” is a phrase guys often associate with sex.

#36, #39 – This is more complicated than it needs to be. Don’t worry about “balls of clay” or “tiny doorknobs”; most guys will be pleased if you act like you’re enjoying yourself.

#44 – But it has to be exactly 12, otherwise it won’t work.

#45 – Remember, PLEASANTLY surprised: don’t act like it’s a surprise birthday party.

#46 – I wonder if Hungarian girls use paprika?

#53 – Absolutely not. Just, no. Never.

#59 – Where else would you blow hot air from, if not your mouth?

Remember: Simplicity is key. Leave the teeth and the seasonings behind and just bring some good, old-fashioned enthusiasm. We’re easy to please.

To check out all of the “blow-his-mind moves,” see May’s issue of Cosmopolitan.