Rating: 3/10

Starring

Martin Lawrence, Raven-Symone, Donny Osmond

Plot

When Police Chief James Porter (Lawrence) finds out his daughter (Symone) gets accepted to Georgetown University, the overprotective father decides to drive her across the country on a (you guessed it) college road trip.

The Good

Shame on you, Martin Lawrence.

I really went out on a limb for you when I recommended your last movie, “Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins.” I swallowed my pride and faced ostracism from movie fans everywhere, and now you repay me like this? I feel used.

But after seeing your second movie to come out in one month – “College Road Trip” -vindication is mine. That is simply because you’ve been upstaged in your own movie by a guy whose last film acting gig was 30 years ago. I’m talking about the man, the myth, the Mormon: Donny Osmond.

Osmond plays the exact opposite of Martin Lawrence’s paranoid and overbearing character. He’s a plaid sweater-wearing, Christmas song-singing, hug-giving father who’s also on a college road trip with his equally quirky daughter.

Some of the time, it seems like Osmond is strung-out on some type of narcotic, but most of the time, his frightening grin and nerdy humor are welcome in a film where the laughs are rare.

The scene-stealing Osmond is surprisingly, but thankfully, the saving grace of “College Road Trip.”

The Bad

Martin Lawrence has become a critically hated comedic actor, and for very substantial reasons. His movies usually offer nothing new besides unflattering caricatures of African-Americans and Lawrence getting beat up (this time it’s with a taser).

His newest Disney endeavor tries to follow the comedian’s usual formula of comedic hijinks, but instead adds emotion and sentimentality, something that Lawrence can never seem to get right. It’s hard to take any actor in this overly melodramatic movie seriously, especially the family’s matriarch, played by Kym Whitley, whose most memorable role is the blunt-smoking Suga in “Next Friday.”

The conflict is the same as it is in every live-action Disney flick: the father is an over-protective jerk who doesn‘t get you; the mother is on your side but obviously doesn’t have a say in the household because she’s a woman; the sibling is weird enough to be put under psychiatric evaluation – but he’s just so adorable! – and the family pet is something bizarre (in this case, a pig).

“College Road Trip” earns its “G” rating by adding nothing too edgy, but it’s hard to take it seriously. The people over at Disney must live on an alternate universe, because nothing in this film will be relatable to those actually over the age of 13.

When Raven-Symone sneaks out of the house to go to a party without her father’s permission, she goes to what seems like a low-budget rave inside of a meat-packing warehouse to dance with her girls. When she sleeps over at a sorority house, the girls are running around the house, jumping on beds and talking about their fathers. Where’s the booze, the illicit substances and sex? If it’s a movie that is showcasing college life, why not try to add a shred of reality?

The scene that will torture most is an impromptu rendition of “Double Dutch Bus” by Symone on a bus filled with Asian tourists. It’s painful to see Lawrence and Symone destroy their careers at exactly the same second, but it’s gratifying at the same time.

The Low-Down

“College Road Trip” is aimed at kids, but even the most primitive youngster can recognize another Disney “flubber” when they see one. If there’s one positive thing that can come from this mess of a film, it’s the rebirth of Donny Osmond’s career. And correct me if I’m wrong, but is there ever a time that too much Donny Osmond is a bad thing? Didn’t think so.