“Mail on Sunday” by Flo Rida

Rating: 3 / 10

Flo Rida’s debut album “Mail On Sunday” is a 14-track joke of an album brought to you by the gentleman who rose to fame off the T-Pain-featured “Low” (“Apple Bottom jeans, boots with the fur,” anyone?).

In the intro track, “American Superstar,” Flo Rida mentions something about the paparazzi taking pictures of him. He should really consider a career in stand-up comedy, because it would be hard to believe that the majority of paparazzi even know who Flo Rida is and it’s even more unlikely that they ever will.

This triggers a memory of an old Eminem song in which he briefly comments on rappers describing things that they have never really experienced, saying that they, “Exaggerate it all so much / they make it all up / there’s no such thing.”

Back to Mr. Rida. All of his songs are up-tempo and would be more appropriate for social settings, most specifically, parties. But to simply sit down and listen to this alone is a true insult to the ears.

The man’s flow isn’t entirely bad, though. It’s well-delivered and has a fine pace to it at times (compared to other artists who are a lot worse), but the content is unbelievably repetitive. Is it really necessary to have so many songs describing what a woman is wearing in a club and how one chooses to approach her?

There are some good moments, though. It’s no secret that when super producer/rapper Timbaland participates, a good beat with a catchy chorus is definitely in the works, as proven by “Elevator,” which is probably the album’s best track besides the single “Low,” which most can admit has a sound of its own.

Though this is a club album, some might have been under the assumption that artists usually release a club single as an appetizer to their album, with the rest usually being more personal instead of a parade of ego and materialism. Decades ago, if an artist didn’t have enough decent content for a full album, didn’t they usually just release a single, get their 15 minutes and disappear? If that’s the case, then vinyl needs to make a big comeback.

If an album of this nature satiates one’s musical hunger, then a little aptitude test should be applied. It might not be a bad idea to go down the track list, and ask what each track is specifically about. Why? Well, we don’t read books about nothing, do we? It’s about time we start naming these albums for what they really are, this being Hedonism Album #283.

“Mail on Sunday” is nothing but another hour-long dedication to money, cars and female bottoms. But how did Flo Rida reach No. 1 on the digital charts? Wait, could it be that’s what the masses want? Anthems committed to money, cars and female bottoms?

It seems that Flo Rida, like any artist, is only as relevant as people allow him to be. That makes the real question … are we done yet? Seriously, folks.