Have you ever been talking to a person when it strikes you: I’ve had this conversation before?

Day in and day out, we stumble in and out of locker rooms and press conferences in a constant state of deja vu.

Why, you ask?

Because of a little something I like to call “coachspeak.”

Coachspeak is a skill every coach in every level of sports is born with. It is essentially defined as the ability to talk for lengths of time without saying anything, and all in the form of some type of recycled cliche.

Ask any sports writer what the toughest part of their job is, and near the top of their list will be translating what coaches say into what they really mean. Luckily for us, these cliches are tossed around so often we have found a pattern in them.

Take for instance the classic statement, “We gave 110 percent.” In a win, it translates to “We actually gave about 75 percent because we knew we were going to win.” In a loss, it simply means, “We had no chance of winning. We just aren’t that good.”

There are many more phrases just like that. Here is a quick run through some of the most used ones, starting with some coachspeak and followed by what the coach is really

thinking:

After a loss:

“We’re taking it one game at a time.” Real meaning: Dear Lord, won’t this season ever end?

“We left it all out on the field.” Real meaning: I don’t know how we didn’t get blown out.

“The game was a lot closer than the score indicates.” Real meaning: Hey, give us some credit, it wasn’t THAT bad.

“Defense wins championships.” Real meaning: It better, because we have no offense.

After a win:

“The important thing is that we won.” Real meaning: Now that was an ugly game.

“You have to give a lot of credit to the other team.” Real meaning: They knew they had no chance, but at least they showed up.

“This is a big confidence booster for us.” Real meaning: And they laughed at me when I scheduled a game against a community college.

“We’re just going to enjoy this win for right now.” Real meaning: I don’t know how we won today, how should I know how we’ll win tomorrow?

So the next time you watch a press conference, try to see through the quotes to find the true meaning. It’s much more entertaining than taking things at face value.

That said, there is one quote that had me dumbfounded for the better part of last weekend, but I think I finally figured it out.

After Bowling Green, ranked in the top 20 and undefeated in the MAC, beat NIU in women’s basketball, its coach, Curt Miller, dropped this one:

“Everyone called this the game we couldn’t win.”

Real meaning: Let’s see those sports writers try and figure this one out.