In May 2006, ABC’s Elizabeth Vargas stepped down from her position as World News Tonight co-anchor upon becoming pregnant with her second child. The woman with arguably the most coveted spot in broadcast news chose family over work in what she termed on Tuesday’s “The Oprah Winfrey Show” as “a very difficult and excruciating decision… I still have a lot of doubt over if it was the right decision.”

This choice – to raise one’s children while having a career or to devote more time to one’s family – is a choice that has divided mothers across our country for decades. Dubbed “The Mommy Wars” by our captivated media, this debate was the subject of this Oprah episode and remains one about which many families nationwide still can’t seem to reconcile.

More than just a disagreement over a difference in lifestyle, the squabble is one with which most families are confronted at some point in their lives. This debate is brewed from the inevitable and personal conflict that occurs between the messages our society sends today’s widening crop of young, college-educated women, and the very unforgiving reality of our health care and legal systems.

We’re taught as young women that we can “have it all” if we choose – in fact, we’re encouraged to aspire to this ideal. More women are enrolled in college than ever, and subsequently enter the work force. However, someone still needs to care for America’s children.

While our legal system is improving in terms of recognizing the changing roles of women, it is still one of five countries in the world that doesn’t require paid maternity leave, according to a Harvard University study being officially released today. While the Family and Medical Leave Act – which requires covered employers to allow an employee up to 12 weeks unpaid leave for health reasons such as the birth of a child – is a step in the right direction. Even if a mother is exempt due to pregnancy, or is able to return to work after caring for her child in its first critical years, she often gets stuck on what researchers refer to as the “mommy track,” in which it can become very difficult for a parent to maintain the regular promotion and job security of her less-obligated colleagues. Some mothers who stay home to take care of their children resent their homemaking not being valued as the full-time job it is. Others feel staying home and giving up a career is a step backward for womankind.

No matter which way you look at the debate, a woman who expects to go after a career and raise a child is going to have to make a sacrifice, and the process is rarely pleasant. It’s no wonder these difficult decisions spark defensiveness and anger in women who face them. Yet the real issue here is that we have to – we simply must – progress. In President Bush’s State of the Union speech Jan. 23, he became the first president to introduce a “Madam Speaker,” and by taking cues from recent polls, it’s worth wondering if he will be the first president whose tenure might be followed by a woman’s as well. It’s obvious that professionally, women aren’t going anywhere but up, and instead of trivializing the problem of our country’s inequitable economy by slinging character judgments at each other, we need to work together toward fixing our labor laws in the first place.