“Yeah, I was just wondering why the biggest story to hit the Chicago, Illinois area in probably months wasn’t treated as such in The Northern Star. Why didn’t Michael Jordan’s retirement receive front page attention? Shouldn’t the front page capture the attention of the readers and entice them to read on?”

“Yeah, I’d like to complain about Grant Miller in his article in Yell like Hell for forgetting to mention the colorguard. He mentioned the NIU cheerleaders and the Silverettes and totally forgets about mentioning us. We’d like to have our chance to be mentioned too.”

“The article in the paper called ‘Business course adds diversity workshop’ is wrong. It states in the paper that it is only open to business majors, however, this is wrong. More than just business majors take this class. Business minors, Computer Science, Fashion Merchandising majors, and other people take this class as well. I think it’s really interesting that it’s a diversity workshop that stresses minorities and this article completely forgets about the minorities in Management 333 that are taking this class as well.”

On campus…

“I’m a Computer Science student here at NIU and every time I go to throw out and recycle my programs the bins are always overflowing and full. I can’t believe it. Whoever is the director of recycling really stinks.”

“This is concerning the Yell like Hell performance. NIU colorguard is also performing for anyone who might care.”

On cartoonists…

“Actually, I think your cartoonists have it backwards. Women are insecure and men are bitter.”

“Capital Capers, Calvin and Hobbs, Doonesbury, and The Far Side are very good comics and I enjoy reading them. Reality Check is sometimes good, but enough of the damn fish already, the rest of the comics suck.

“ABCD Goldfish to me and my friends, is about as funny as lung cancer. Could you replace it with something else? ABCD Goldfish stinks!”

On fliers…

“I work for an organization who can sponsor a man to come to campus to hang anvils from his private part and sponsor a trip to the Sugar Shack, but who refuse to pay a band simply because they felt the fliers were offensive.”

“Who really cares what fags and dikes refer to themselves as? Why don’t they bring it up in the multiculturalism class? Don’t these people have any real classes to study for?”

On complaints…

“What aggravates me more than all the parking trouble, the construction trouble and lack of tuition funding etc., is the transfer and nontraditional students who keep complaining about it instead of writing it to the paper. Why don’t they do something about it? Transfer students and non-traditional students make this university more separated than it should be.”

“Isn’t it wonderful that the world is so perfect that the most important thing in some college students lives is whether or not their horoscope appeared in the Star? I hope these pinheads flunk out of school and never get a job in management and for all those cry babies whining about construction and lack of parking, welcome to the real world. I hope you wind up having to drive through construction traffic on the Dan Ryan and try to find a parking space where you work for some moron who complains when his/her horoscope isn’t in the paper!”

“This is in response to the person calling about the student center smoking policy. Well I have a suggestion for you. Why don’t you stay out of the smoking sections and your asthma will get better. Duh!”

On Barney…

“When I transferred to NIU I had a few small reservations about it but now I am completely disgusted and disappointed in my decision to come here. One of the reasons is the question, ‘Why is it that the main issue on people’s minds around here is Barney the dinosaur?’ First of all who are you to judge a character designed for three-year-olds to comprehend? I’m not going to defend Barney because that would just put me in the ranks of you pathetic, feeble- minded people. Don’t you have anything else to worry about?

On columns…

“In reference to the October 11 article by Kevin Lyons, the editorial. I would like to say that in my conception of God, God thinks Kevin Lyons is pretty much an imbecile.”

On parking…

“I am a faculty member who has poorer parking privileges than graduate assistants. My graduates can park either in the blue lot by Anderson or in the yellow lots behind Anderson. I am allowed to park only in the blue lot next to Anderson.”

On multiculturalism class…

“The multiculturalism class is a good idea in theory, however it is nearly impossible to graduate in four years as it is and therefore I think it should be offered as an elective only.

“In America we are suppose to be free. Why force people to do something they don’t want to do? Set up a multiculturalism class and let the people who want to take it be in it. Just because I don’t want to be in it doesn’t mean I’m a racist.”

“In regards to the multiculturalism class, I think it’s probably the best idea that hit Northern campus. Seeing that this campus is so diverse, The only way we can learn about each other is to learn about each other’s background. By doing so, we will be less ignorant individuals and maybe there wouldn’t be so much racism on this campus.”

On NIU football…

“LeShon Johnson is an absolute god so why is he playing for Northern? He should be playing for some major football team like, I don’t know, say, the Bears, maybe they would win a game or two.”

Miscellaneous…

“This is in regards to the Oct. 12 issue under the miscellaneous. Beavis and Butthead are heroes and people should realize that because Beavis and Butthead are the ones who make living on NIU campus a much better place. You can look at Bevis and Butthead, laugh at them and tell they are stupid. Look at the administration, they’re getting paid twice as much.”

“Beavis and Butthead rule. Did I mention they cool? You said Butt.”

“This message is in response to the guy who feels hurt and betrayed by Michael Jordan retiring. What gives you the right to live through what happens with Michael Jordan?”