Ben Gross: Last season I showed up to a football game 30 minutes before kickoff, and I swear I was sitting in the top row of “The Cell”. We need more seating.

Sean Connor: Seating? The Academic and Athletic Performance Center is going up … supposedly. Where’s football going to add seating? Sky boxes above the student section?

BG: Sky boxes? What do you take us for, rich south siders? How about we just expand the current stadium into a horse shoe.

SC: Yeah, and have the top 20 rows hovering over the apartment complex south of the stadium. They’ll love the ThunderSticks if we do that.

BG: Tear them down. We also need a new tailgating spot since the AAPC phantom covets the land north of the field.

SC: A great idea would have been to put seating in front of the AAPC, but we don’t even have enough money to put toilets in the AAPC. How are we going to raise money for more bleachers?

BG: One name, Dennis Barsema. Just have President John Peters give the man a call and change the name from Huskie Stadium to The Barsema Bowl.

SC: You’d think another alumnus would step up with some bigger bucks by now. The fact of the matter is we don’t fill the stadium day in and day out now because of bandwagon-jumping students.

BG: But those fans want to see big-time schools. An expanded stadium would give us a better chance of convincing teams like Iowa to play in DeKalb. Instead, our only shot for a return game with them is to play at Soldier Field.

SC: So, if we had a stadium similar to Northwestern, we’d get Iowa to come here? Not even Northwestern — or Illinois for that matter — deserves a return game from Iowa. I still say we build sky boxes above the student section.

BG: Sky boxes would be great … if college students had money. Sure, season ticket holders may grab them, but to see who? Ball State, Temple, Tennessee Tech? A larger stadium will allow us to schedule power conference teams that would fill up those sky boxes.

SC: That’s if we continue to win, and keep in mind, Novak has two years left on his contract. I agree, a stadium that takes up more area instead of going vertical would work wonders. But how do we add more seats without going vertical?

BG: And there lies the problem. The AAPC took away the most convenient location. So all that’s left is to remove the street to the south of the stadium.

SC: If seats are to be added on the south side, they’ll need to relocate the scoreboard in order to avoid further land problems.

BG: Relocating the scoreboard is a minor issue. Maybe instead of expanding the stadium we should just build a new one.

SC: Great idea, especially if you’ve seen the bathrooms. If we’re going to knock down buildings, we might as well relocate the stadium back to Glidden Field and knock down the visual and performing arts and music buildings.

BG: Great, destroy the arts and replace it with sports … I smell protest.

SC: Just kidding. But be realistic, this is going to be an issue in the future, and we still need an indoor practice facility. A new stadium may be the only way, but Title IX says we need to build evenly. Baseball and softball don’t even have locker rooms, let alone up-to-par playing surfaces.