End of an era?

Graft adamantium onto his skeleton

Hey, it worked for Wolverine didn’t it? Plus, he could end up as a stunt double in the next X-Men movie.

Human Growth Hormone

But if his skull gets too big he’ll look like Bonk from TurboGrafx-16 … or Barry Bonds.

Work out

This would be a lot easier if the weights weren’t so heavy. But hitting the Total Gym could make him a cross between Chuck Norris and Christie Brinkley.

Just let e.coli win

Look, he’s dominated the rivalry with Bluto for years. Maybe it’s time to let the tides shift a bit.

Realize

Come to grips with the fact he’s only a cartoon and none of this even matters. Seriously, he’s just a cartoon. And at that, a cartoon nobody really likes anyway.