I’ve been wanting to shed some pounds because I want to look my best. I’ve been trying to eat correctly and also work out as much as possible. The weight doesn’t seem to want to come off, and I really don’t want to try any dangerous diets. Do you have any suggestions on how to fix this without all the crazy gimmicks people are trying to make me buy?

I’m going to suggest something that is going to blow your mind. Why not try an exercise montage? I hear it is all the rage these days with those ladies and gents in Hollywood. The step to doing this is simple. First you must find a decent work out song. I suggest either Survivor’s “Eye Of The Tiger” or Cyndi Lauper’s “Girls Just Want to Have Fun.” Put on some awful short short’s, a tank top, Reebok Pump Shoes and a few sweatbands. Now you have all the items you will need. But how does this work? It goes a bit like this. The scene is set when you are complaining to your friend you will never make it as a professional boxer. The music starts and all of a sudden you are appearing and reappearing on the screen in various work out roles. This will last about a minute and a half and when the end comes, you will run up a bunch of stairs and start pumping your fist into the air. By that time, four months have passed and you have lost 25 lbs. and gained a horrendous accent in which no one understands or no one really cares to hear. Ever. Or try Weight Watchers. Your choice.

I received an e-mail today from a guy who told me he had esophageal cancer and only has months to live. He told me he wants to distribute his vast wealth to charities, but needs my help to do so. All he needs is my bank account number with a routing number so he can make the transfer. If I do this, he will set aside 10 percent of his $18 million. Should I go ahead with it?

What a crazy coincidence, this guy e-mailed me the other day too. It’s weird to think of all the billions of people in the world, he trusts two people from DeKalb to help him with this goal. Why are you hesitating though? I didn’t. This guy has esophageal cancer. I don’t know what that is, but it sounds pretty bad. Give him all the information he needs. I sent it to him the other day, and I just know really soon I’m going to be a rich entertainment advice columnist. It’s a good thing, too because I’m running a little low on money. For some reason I can’t keep track of the money in my account. Yesterday $100 went missing and the day before $300 was gone out of nowhere and I know I didn’t take any money out. Oh well, it really doesn’t matter because my big pay day from this guy is coming soon.