Ingredients

2 cups sugar2 teaspoons cinnamon1 1/2 cups olive oilteaspoon salt4 eggs3 cups grated carrots2 cups flour1 cup chopped pecans (or walnuts)1 heaping teaspoon baking soda

Directions:

Mix the sugar and oil. Add eggs one at a time, beating after each. Sift the dry ingredients together and add to the creamed mixture alternately with the carrots and pecans. Bake the mixture in a large loaf pan for one hour at 350 degrees.

The Play-by-Play

I began my quest for the carrot cake with intensive physical manual labor: grating a bag of carrots into three cups worth of carrots shreds. After several close shaves between my fingers and the grater, I added the first of three cups of carrots to the recipe. It was then my mother chided me for my apparent inadequate grating skills. I realized this was going to be a long day.

It should be noted the abbreviation “tsp.” stands for “teaspoon,” while “tbsp.” stands for “tablespoon.” Mixing these up can have devastating consequences by making your well-intentioned sugar and spice into a killer blob of gelatinous goo, only being able to stop it by uttering the words “Klatu Verata Nikto!” or something like that.

Upon pouring and stirring the contents in thirds into the mixing bowl, I came to recognize the mixer was something of a power tool, and thus deserved to be engaged at ridiculously high speeds in order to satisfy my masculine tendencies. After observing the mushroom clouds of flour resulting from kitchen-bound turbines, and reading the far-from-amused responses of family members, I decided to reserve such behavior for other occasions, namely those at other people’s expense instead of my own.

After pouring and spreading the mixture into a pan and placing said pan in the oven, I learned one final crucial life lesson. It is apparently not advisable to leave bowls cemented with sweet concrete residue and kitchens dusted with the fallout of flour clouds for your family members/roommates/significant others to deal with upon a later date. Doing so can result in personal injury, mental health issues and a lifetime of potential loneliness.