Where do you rank among Academy members?

The 78th Annual Academy Awards took place and anyone who was anyone was there, which surprisingly included John Madden seated slightly behind George Clooney. It’s obvious to see how people rank in Hollywood based on what they present and who they sit by. Jack Nicholson, for example, presented the best picture nomination along with an unending amount of phlegm in his throat, but was nicely seated next to the lovely Keira Knightly for most of the evening. The speckles of “God-dust” on her cheeks filled the area with a sense of wonderment.

While on the subject of Nicholson, it’s important to note this year he was the liveliest he’s been in quite some time. A smile shot across my face when I saw him blissfully clapping along to Dolly Parton’s Oscar-nominated song “Travelin’ Thru.” But seriously, if such a category existed, I would have recommended giving an Oscar to Dolly Parton for best looking individual my parents have actually seen live in concert.

Everyone loves music. Well, almost everyone.

Music was important to the entire show. The use of the M*A*S*H theme song “Suicide is Painless” for the entrance music of Honorary Oscar winner and near corpse Robert Altman seemed as though it was almost a hint to his geriatric state rather than an homage to his work.

Jon Stewart was good, with political jokes, a lot of jokes about being Jewish and a lot of awkward commentary. Awkwardness seemed to be what this Oscar ceremony was all about — that and odd attempts to show tolerance.

Hip-hop group Three 6 Mafia won for best original song after being introduced by Ludacris, which followed a you-don’t-understand-rap message from Stewart. Three 6 Mafia received its award from former hip-hop legend turned screen-friendly, Queen Latifah. Nice show of integration, academy. Of course the best actress winner, Reese Witherspoon, was the only one to mention sex discrimination specifically, even though North Country was up for several awards. During her speech she talked about “real women” and other such things. Finally, in an expected move, beautiful violinist Itzhak Perlman discussed how he was exploited for his handicap, showing the sensitive side of even the Oscars. But, I may be going too far.

The night’s best, er, funniest moments

Along with the humor of Charlize Theron’s giant bow shoulder or Jennifer Garner showing us why she didn’t belong at the Academy Awards by almost falling, the laughs kept rolling.

My favorite moment came from the presentation of fake campaign ads for the best actress nominees. “Judi Dench took my eye out in a bar fight” claimed one of the others attempting to deface her in the commercial. I don’t know if it’s funny because it’s silly or because it’s so believable.

Only four people were cut off during their speeches, and two were so nervous of the clock they repeated the time they had left. But when it came to stopping yourself from going too far, it was good to see Deborah Rennard, wife of Best Picture winner Paul Haggis, put herself back in her dress on camera after her exuberant celebration.

Going overboard with EVERYTHING

It was also my hope the seemingly random montages would have stopped before they went too far. Alas, this was not the case. Why was it the Academy decided to arbitrarily celebrate odd aspects of its history is beyond all of us.

But what have we learned of this experience?

I for one learned Hollywood understands the difference between a good movie and movie that sells. This was illustrated by the use of Will Ferrell, Ben Stiller and Garner as presenters, as well as the attempt to show when tolerance and understanding becomes hip and popular, they’ll support it and then make a show displaying it until it becomes almost annoying.