Sex is seen everywhere in society, from advertisements for Carl’s Jr. burgers to sports cars to beauty products.

Considering some students may have as many partners as they have classes in a semester, this aspect of society plays into students’ decisions to be sexually active.

Clinical psychologist Troy Melendez and assistant professor of sociology Kei Nomaguchi discussed variables that complicate students’ relationships.

They defined sex, why long-term relationships can stink, how the word “tolerance” is not acceptable when referring to gays and lesbians and how the media affects our sex life.

What is Sex?

The Clinton scandal had society questioning what constituted sex. Sex is specifically vaginal intercourse, not oral or anal sex, Melendez said.

Because the term sex can be construed in different ways, when Melendez makes presentations, he uses the term “physical intimacy.”

“Physical intimacy is if I hold your hand, we’re physically intimate. If I embrace you in any way, we’re physically intimate,” Melendez said. “Now there’s many, many different degrees of physical intimacy, but that’s a good place to start.”

All the risks involved, such as emotional risks and health risks, start with physical intimacy.

“All the benefits come from that as well,” Melendez said. “That’s why it feels so good, because you are trusting and you are making yourself vulnerable. It adds to the pleasure.”

Media Influence

The media gives youths different messages about being sexually active, Nomaguchi said.

“It looks more sophisticated if women know more about sexual relationships,” Nomaguchi said.

Television shows such as “Sex and the City” relay messages to women promoting the single status.

“[Single women] have power, professional occupations, and that’s why they can do it,” Nomaguchi said. “They don’t have to show traditional female roles to get a partner.”

Nomaguchi discussed the program in her SOCI 354 and 357 classes. Most men showed a dislike for the female empowerment program, while women tend to have a mix of opinions, Nomaguchi said.

Women are just as sexual as men and society wants people to believe women are more reserved, Melendez said.

“Society has always put women in the position of they are the protectors of sexuality, and men are the predators,” Melendez said. “Men are supposed to come get it and women are supposed to not let us have it.”

Let’s wait awhile

“If you can’t do it with the lights on, and you can’t talk about it while it’s going on, you’re not ready to do it,” Melendez said.

Others who choose to wait have their own personal reasons, but religion is often a factor.

“People think sexuality is something you can do casually, and you can’t,” said Father Addison Hart, associate pastor of the Newman Center, 512 Normal Road.

Those who have numerous sexual partners think it will have no effect on them.

“I have yet to meet someone who can honestly say that,” Hart said.

There is no such thing as casual sex. Sex is natural and addictive, Hart said. “Sex doesn’t give them that, commitment does,” Hart said. “People who wait have a realization of that.”

In it for the long haul

When people spend their late teens and early 20s switching partners, the relationships are not very serious, which builds this perception people don’t have to commit, Melendez said. If anything becomes too much work they can walk away, he said.

“When you couple that with what I’ve always referred to as the ‘fairy tale illusion’ of some day my prince will come or some day I’m going to find that damsel in distress,” Melendez said. “There is this one person out there we’re meant to be with, and when we find them it’s going to be magical and the rest of our life is going to be easy. We’re just going to love each other and there’s going to be no effort involved in that.”

Coupling those two misinterpretations of relationships and life can lead a person to be with someone who is not willing to put the effort in, Melendez said.

“Long term relationships [stink]. They’re hard. They’re work. That’s what makes them so beautiful,” Melendez said. “You care enough to put that time in. You care enough to compromise aspects of your life, in a healthy way.”

A healthy, long-term relationship requires sacrifice, compromise and developing an identity that meshes with their partner’s, Melendez said.

“That’s a very difficult thing to do,” Melendez said. “I don’t know anyone [who] does it perfectly, all the time.”

It’s not a matter of tolerance

As opposed to the past, people are more accepting of homosexuals, Melendez said.

Melendez doesn’t like the use of the word “tolerance.”

“It almost assumes we’re putting up with something negative,” Melendez said. “I’m tolerating you and your lifestyle. I don’t really agree with it, but I’ll tolerate it almost because I have to.”

In calling it an alternative lifestyle, people imply there’s a choice when it’s really something biological, Melendez said.

The younger generation is more accepting of gays, lesbians and transgenders, said Margie Cook, director of the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Resource Center,

In a way it makes sense because this generation is more exposed to different sexual orientations more than any other generation, which contributes to breaking down the barriers, Cook said.

“They know them more as people,” Cook said. “They see beyond stereotypes.”

On the other hand, increased visibility does not always translate into more acceptance. There’s still discrimination and prejudice, Cook said.