So, Student A, why did you have perfect attendance this past school year?

“Because I wanted to go to college and better myself!”

And Student B, why did you have perfect attendance?

“I wanted an iPod! But I didn’t get it! I got rent money instead.”

Hmm, bummer. But wait, an iPod? Where did that come from?

Chicago. In an effort to increase their attendance numbers, the district has put into place a policy that awards students with perfect attendance up to $500 worth of groceries, $1,000 toward rent, or the elusive iPod. The motive? For every 1 percent the district increases their attendance, they receive an additional $18 million from the state.

Down in Fort Worth, Texas, it’s a similar story: For every additional, punctual student, they get $4,700.

Sounds like a solid policy, then. Too bad it’s not.

While it solves schools’ budgetary shortfalls, it removes from the equation any sense of responsibility the student might gain by attending voluntarily.

Humans react to rewards, like salivating dogs. But here’s the thing: Humans like dogs more than they do other humans.

When a dog does something well, they’ll most likely get some sort of reward, whether it be a pat on their fuzzy head or a rawhide bone. Humans generally are quite nice to dogs.

But when humans do a task well, there isn’t that same kind of reward, i.e., petting. We get paid, but that is more a matter of survival. Rather, humans just have to do certain things they don’t want to because that is what we, as a species, do. It’s that “Welcome to Reality” bit you’ve been hearing all these years.

Our question is: Where are the parents? Why aren’t they being called out? When were they no longer bound to that responsibility? Teach your children responsibility. That’s another thing — humans, as a species, are capable of reason and moral basis.

Government’s sole purpose, when it’s brought down to its barest, is to take care of their humans. When people are negligent of themselves, the government steps in. And that’s exactly what they’re doing — forcing people to become educated. Too bad it may have detrimental effects in the long run.

Either that, or we give the bosses of America a nice hair brush. “Come on boy, come get your bonus!”