I’m sitting in my living room. My phone is turned off and all the essentials are in front of me so I am not to be distracted by anything. I have a snack, a can of pop, three aspirin and a towel to wipe the sweat that will be dripping down my face. Can you guess what I’m doing? Whatever you are thinking about, you are probably wrong. But if you guessed watching the greatest show on television, “24,” then buddy, you are wise beyond your years.

I’m obsessed with the show. The moment I hear the clock start on the show, I demand silence in my apartment. You think I’m joking? Ask my roommate, he will tell you about some freak outs I have had with him. I’m obsessed to the point I have even scheduled my classes around the show so they do not interfere. Of course I could just tape the show, but VCR’s are so 1990s and inconvenient.

For all unaware of the concept of the show, here is a quick run down. Each season is only 24 hours long and each episode is one hour out of the day. Kiefer Sutherland plays Counter Terrorism Unit Agent Jack Bauer and Jack is such a bad ass, he makes Samuel L. Jackson look like a seven-year-old girl. So far this season Jack has killed approximately five people, been held hostage, been framed for a Presidential assassination, saved close to 60 people from being held hostage and he’s only been up for less than five hours today.

I have spent many days watching all the old seasons I have already watched before. Why? Because if I didn’t, the terrorists would win. Actually I take that back, when my buddy Jack Bauer is on the screen I don’t have to worry about terrorists.

Sunday night I sat down to begin the four hour two day season premiere of season five. In the first 10 minutes, I literally urinated in my pants a little bit. It got to the point where a friend of mine from back home and I were calling each other during commercial breaks to discuss the show like junior high girls discussing a cute boy from gym class. Here is a small transcript:

(Phone rings)

Chris: Hello.

Dan: Did you see what just happened?

Chris: OH MY GOD! I can’t believe that just happened. Seriously, in the last 10 minutes I literally peed my pants.

Dan: Dude, I’m wearing a diaper because I don’t want to miss a second of tonight.

Chris: Way ahead of you and I’m about to change it for the third time.

Dan: Okay, it’s coming back on. I’ll talk to you in a little bit.

(Phone call ends)

Okay that really wasn’t word for word, but we did call each other at least four times during the commercial breaks to criticize the show’s president and to talk about how much we love Jack Bauer.

I haven’t told anyone this yet. For everyone reading this, I have another confession to make. The other night I had a dream I was Jack Bauer in an episode of “24.” I don’t remember the exact details, but I woke up feeling awesome. It wasn’t because I was taking down terrorists with a semi-automatic or sliding across the floor to save a girl who is about to be blown up by a bomb. No, no, no, it was because it was much better than my past favorite dream of the green ranger from the Power Rangers. Which, I’m sorry, fails in comparison to fighting terrorists in an airport. But all good things must come to an end and I woke up from the dream. But smiling for the rest of the day.

As I write this, the first two nights of the four-hour premiere have ended and I, being a nerdy fan, am currently scanning the online message boards to see what a thousand of my closest “24” friends had to say about the recent shows. Some gave me potential spoilers on next week’s episodes, which I must say, I refuse to read, because it’s from a friend of a friend who knows someone who drives the catering van for the show who said what will happen. Some told me how much they love Jack and all his wonderfulness. But most of them told me they couldn’t wait for next week’s episode. I couldn’t agree with you any more JackLovesMe24.