The time has come everyone. It is time to put Struppendous Advice to bed for the semester and maybe even for good. Now don’t cry too much. This column will be back next semester in some shape or form. Now let’s sit back and reflect on the good times. The times that made you think. The times that made you cry. The times that made you, I don’t know, maybe laugh. I wouldn’t count on the last one. I am going to leave you with a brand spanking new question and also some past advice where I felt I really helped someone. OK, ladies and gentlemen, until I write again … keep on keepin’ on.

I have a confession to make. I’m attracted to blue women. I watched the most recent Star Wars movie and I fell in love with a Jedi who was on screen for no more than three seconds. In that moment, she stole my heart. This girl didn’t even have to speak a word to the audience; her blueness spoke for her. This has led me to seek out other movies that devote at least a microsecond to blue human women. My newest obsession is Mystique from X-Men. It’s not because she is incredibly hot, it’s because she’s blue. I’m not attracted to girls wearing blue, just blue women. I don’t know what it is. My girlfriend questioned my motives when I asked her to paint herself blue for Halloween. I think it’s getting out of control. Is there any help for a man with my obsession?

I’m sorry to say there is no help for a sick individual like yourself. Blue human women is only the first step. As much as you will deny it, Smurfette will begin to look hot to you soon. There is no stopping this obsession. It will consume you and you will eventually join the Blue Man Group to feed your blue fetish. Good luck being miserable, freak.

My roommate and I were looking outside our house the other night and saw a “lady of the night” standing on our corner. We got curious about what her actual rates were, but she only spoke in “Ye Old English.” How do I go about this without confusing her?

You are extremely lucky that I took a course in the language in question. Let me put into words exactly what you need to say to this woman. English majors, I’m not perfect at this so keep your Old English/Modern English opinions to yourself. “Yonder lady. Thou breath is as repugnant as a wretched Saxon on Saint Crispin’s Day. Lady, the night is young and thou art so beautiful. I haveth in my purse 10 shillings that can be taketh from my hand if thou feelest it strikes thou’s fancy. I liketh big butts and thou canst lie, thou other brothers canst deny. Dost thou understandeth what I sayeth to thee creature of the night?” I’m not sure she will understand, but she will at least start dancing to the Sir-Mix-A-Lot beat. My only other suggestion is to just straight out ask, “Hey baby, how much?” A restraining order and $150 fine later make this one expensive question.