The final “Star Wars” movie has come out and it doesn’t look likely that George Lucas will make any more. This has caused much sadness in my life. I was wondering how I could keep my love for the force alive and well.

Oh poor, poor Obi-Wan obsessed man, the nerd is strong in you. You want to keep the force alive and well? Trust me, I’m sure I can give you a few tips. Get into your hyper-drive modifier, take some creditsis and get yourself a new life. Burn the trusty garment you wore every Halloween; wait, the one you’ve worn every night since you were able to swoon over Harrison Ford in carbonite. Tell your mom to send away the krispy-squares and Tang because your friends will no longer inhabit your basement by calling it the “Death Star.” Your faulty plastic “authentic” light saber purchased from PadméIShot02 on eBay that only lit up once should be replaced by something more tangible like a cricket racket. Shake off the geeky persona of saying you are the Emperor of the Republic and try to talk to a lady. Yes, there are actually women out there who are not your mom. No longer will you have to pretend your buddy Frank is “Princess Padmé.” Go out and see the world CGI didn’t create. I guess what I’m trying to say is, let the force die like Kevin Federline’s chance at being called something other than Britney’s terminal cancer.

I have to register for classes this week and I am unsure of what to take. I met with a guidance counselor but they did not help me in any way. What should I consider in taking classes?

Making your schedule for a semester is a hard task. Most of the time you are on your own and you don’t know how to read the DARS report. I wouldn’t worry about that, though. You don’t need to know how many credits you have left to take or what classes are required for what. Life is too short to worry about requirements. One only needs to consider a few things in registering. Make sure all of your classes are before 11 a.m. What? Does that seem early? Then you have put yourself in the middle of the myth that afternoon classes are better, a myth that was perpetuated by those who are now failures in life. Don’t believe me? Tom Green didn’t take morning classes and now he’s dead. Well, at least his career is. Get your classes completed early in the morning and sleep the rest of the day. One must also scope out the washroom facilities. Do you really want to get stuck in the same building all day with a restroom that makes your roommate, after a cheese-enchilada eating binge, look respectable?

Views expressed in this humor column do not necessarily reflect the views of the Northern Star or its staff. Send comments to [email protected].