I know this is the time of year for giving, so please, Mike Brown, give me a break!

Brown, former director of the Federal Emergency Management Agency is starting his own emergency planning/consulting business, according to a CNN.com report.

“If I can help people on preparedness, how to be better prepared in their homes and better prepared in their businesses – because that goes straight to the bottom line – then I hope I can help the country in some way,” Brown said to the Rocky Mountain News.

One could only wish this was some sick joke, or some kind of car insurance commercial – but it’s true. Brown wants to give out advice on preparing for emergencies.

CNN, consequently, has named Brown the top “political turkey” of the year. This made so much of a wave in the media that sports radio channels such as ESPN 1000 AM and WSRC 670 AM “The Score” even joined in on the sickening irony of Brown’s new business.

One segment was titled “Mike Brown starting up his own emergency planning consulting business is like …” A caller would have the opportunity to fill-in the blanks with a simile of their own. The best one was Mike Tyson running his own anger management clinic.

Mike Brown starting his own emergency planning consulting business is like Michael Jackson doing a seminar titled “Learning how to deal: Self-image and adulthood.”

The point is, Brown just looks like a hypocrite with a business like this, especially after his failure to act quickly after the biggest national natural emergency, Hurricane Katrina, struck the Gulf region of the U.S.

The morning Katrina hit, Brown asked Cindy Taylor, FEMA’s deputy director of public affairs, “Can I quit now? Can I come home?” I guess Brown’s slogan for his new business would read “When facing an emergency, quit,” or something to that effect.

“In the midst of the overwhelming damage caused by the hurricane and enormous problems faced by FEMA, Brown found time to exchange e-mails about superfluous topics,” Rep. Charlie Melancon said. One of the most startling topics discussed was “problems finding a dog-sitter.”

On Aug. 29, the day Katrina struck, Brown e-mailed FEMA personnel about his attire. Not about what could be done after the hurricane hit, not about strategies for helping victims after the hurricane dissipated, not about rescuing residents of New Orleans who were taking shelter in the Superdome – but about his attire that he apparently picked up “… at Nordstroms.”

Further evidence to support Brown’s ineptness at the position can be seen in the CNN.com report when Marty Bahamonde, one of the few FEMA employees in New Orleans at the time, wrote to the former director about the dying evacuees and lack of water and food in the Superdome just two days after the storm. Brown’s response was “Thanks for the update. Anything specific I need to do or tweak?” That’s his entire response. Nothing more, nothing less.

Readers, you may be wondering why I’m worrying about a guy who just wants to make a living after resigning from such a powerful position. Well, I considered Brown’s “plight” when writing this column, and even I can have sympathy for a guy trying to make a living. I can’t, however, feel sorry for a guy who’s “still on the federal payroll at his $148,000 annual salary.” There may not be many of us who graduate from NIU who will make this much a year at any time in our lives.

Hopefully, no one will ever trust “Brownie” again for advice in emergency situations, because this man just isn’t trustworthy during crunch-time situations, as the events of Hurricane Katrina exemplified.

However, I have nothing but sympathy for anyone who does use his advice. And I have some good news, I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance … oh, never mind.

Columns reflect the opinion of the author and not necessarily that of the Northern Star staff.