The letters P, D and A, when used in an acronym of that order have two meanings. The first is Personal Digital Assistant. The second is public display of affection. To restate the obvious, it is when one person is affectionate with their significant other or someone that may be confused as such in a public setting. I cannot stress to you how much I dislike public displays of affection.

I am not sure why I hate these things so much. Maybe because I have not yet felt compelled to walk about campus randomly shoving my tongue down someone’s throat as if I were searching for loose change for all to see. I have plenty of time to search for change out of the public eye.

Perhaps that is the issue and time is of the essence, perhaps there is only a little time spent together or a little time left in the relationship and people are squeezing out affection like a wash- cloth that just solved the most recent cat “problem.”

As it is so close to the beginning of the year, one will more than likely see the incoming freshmen waltzing down the sidewalks of campus holding hands or embracing their “main squeezes” from back home. Soon this will end and the broken pieces of their shattered romance will remain.

For the people that did not have the courage, or perhaps were deluded enough to keep their relationships going with the people that are still in a distant high school, this is for you. Strolling down lovers lane in your first semester away with someone from home sounds good, but the conflict of your life here and their life there will soon become a burden.

Don’t believe me? Let us take MTV’s “Real World” into consideration. This season featured an individual named Melinda who broke up with her boyfriend almost immediately after she arrived in Austin (the location of the show). Perhaps her situation is different, considering she dumped her boyfriend for a guy named Danny, who, after only a few weeks of the show, lost interest in her after his mom died. This, might I add, is something Melinda doesn’t quite understand. The idea that someone could be distant and upset after their mom dies is incomprehensible to her.

I digress. Today I was walking about campus and I saw two people with their arms around one another like two squids in a car accident walking toward me in a very loving manner. However, rather than be happy for them, I really wanted to lean in and whisper “I’m happier than you.”

I have no proof of this. I have no evidence of this. I can only assume that people who need to show their affections to the world do so for one real reason. They are so caught up in their public image they need the approval of everyone else to make sure they are actually happy with the other

person.

Not everyone is a Melinda, this I understand. But it is important to note that the distance becomes a delicious problem. If one were to consider the fall filled with love and happiness soon turns into a winter of despair, sadness and lots of little frozen tears, one could also see why I’m happier than those lovers torn asunder. Why does this please me so? There will no longer be any PDA.

Views expressed in this humor column do not necessarily reflect the Northern Star or its staff. Send comments or questions to [email protected].