According to www.conservatives.com, one of the things the group stands for regarding the environment is to “protect traditional country pursuits.” I am not sure what a “traditional country pursuit” is, but after putting the phrase into Google, I finally have an idea.

It would seem “ferreting” is one such pursuit. If you are unfamiliar with the term “ferreting,” I shall explain. Ferreting is the act of raising a ferret to kill rabbits. Yes, cute little bunnies attacked and slaughtered by highly trained cute little ferrets. And this is something we need to protect.

Another such pursuit is hunting. Hunting, of course, is the act of someone walking around and shooting things with weapons that give the person a grotesque physical advantage. Of course, I would be willing to give a deer a gun if people are worried about it being unfair. One would assume, in the future, we will no longer hunt by gun, but have our giant ferret robots do it for us. Indeed, this act is less “hunting” and more murdering, but then again the animals probably deserve it. After all, it is by our generous nature they are allowed to continue living. I suppose we should have wiped out those menacing animals long ago.

I must say I totally support the conservative view on this subject. If ever there was something that needed to be protected, it was our right to indiscriminately slaughter lesser beings. My only hope is that they achieve their goal, and in doing so, allow us to also murder lesser humans for what would be called sport, I guess.

Another great tradition in our country is the hurricane. Every year since I’ve been born, a hurricane has come up on American shores and done some damage to an area. And every year news crews pursue this natural disaster. Even more so, Americans are free to pursue the rebuilding their homes in a place that continues to be struck by hurricanes.

I say, in accordance with protecting our traditional country pursuits, we must accept the presence of hurricanes. Nay, we must welcome them. After all, the massive destruction and loss of lives is not the fault of the hurricane; it is the fault of the liberals living in those areas. The hurricane did not build the homes or move the people in there. If those wacky liberals had not constructed houses and roads, the hurricane would have only had nature to destroy. Which, when you consider how we treat wild animals, would have been for the best anyway.

If anything, it would seem the hurricane is participating in our traditional country pursuits, harming lesser beings. No one could argue a human being is more powerful than a hurricane; indeed only our ability to blow ourselves up rivals the sheer power of a hurricane.

I suppose the choice to live somewhere else would be something those small minded liberals will never understand. It is survival of the fittest for us conservatives, and the hurricane is the fittest. Now I think I’ll go back to my Sport Utility Vehicle and continue to deplete a single energy source without considering the possibility of pursuing others. Hoping, all the while, I can get out of this accursed liberal process known as education.

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