The other day I bought a box of Minute Maid Coolers. Those are the juice pouches that Minute Maid proudly puts its name on.

I have no problems with the juice. In fact, it is quite delicious. However, there is something interesting with the design.

At the top of the pouch is a small valley surrounded by two lips. This looks a great deal like a vagina.

My favorite part of the pouch is not the vaginal shape but the writing underneath that says: “Stick It Here.” I assume they are talking about the straw, but there is no definite indication.

“Stick It Here” is a fine euphemism for sexual activities, perhaps a bit crude, but there nonetheless.

I would have thought drinking out of a vagina with a straw might have been a problem. However, this road already has been paved with the popularity of the song “Milkshake” by Kelis.

So, we have a pouch with an hourglass shape that has a vagina at one end, instructions on where to “stick it” and a phallic straw to drink out of.

I’m wondering what other feminists are thinking. As a feminist not part of any feminist organization, I am disappointed no one has done anything about this.

I am being as serious as possible. Can we allow the patriarchal society to make a juice drink that supports just sticking it in anything that looks like a vagina? Personally, I am not interested in anything but the juice from the pouch. I am not interested in its mind, background, goals, dreams or desires.

The pouch itself is a symbol of women. The name Maid is the start of it. And the fact that the only decoration on the front is the place most men are interested in is further evidence.

On the back there is a serial number, to show that women are just objects that can be assigned arbitrary means of identification. In the end, men need a number on the back in order to tell which vagina it is.

This pouch is supporting misogyny. Having it on the market for children gives them the impression vaginas are only good for one thing.

I know people are thinking that feminist organizations have better things to do than deal with juice containers that kind of look like vaginas. But if organizations can try to ban Sponge Bob Squarepants because they think he may be a homosexual, I think feminists can spare a few minutes.

Is it not odd that a company with the name like Maid, which suggests subservient women, is the one with the vagina shape?

Views expressed in this humor column do not necessarily reflect the Northern Star or its staff. Send questions and comments to [email protected].