Part 2 on the affects parenting can have during and after college will appear in tomorrow’s Northern Star.

Kids will be kids- or will they?

America is a society that commends achievement, evidenced by the tenets of the No Child Left Behind Act, but there is now reason to believe the emphasis to succeed may be causing children an unhealthy amount of stress.

Parents, the primary influences of America’s developing minds, recognize a looming job market with more competition, and while trying to help their children prepare, they are looking too narrowly at their children’s growth.

“They are seeing problems that aren’t necessarily there,” said Peter Gutierrez, assistant chair of the psychology department.

For example, he said interpreting a child who likes to destroy their Lego creations as evidence of violent behavior is not taking into account the mental maturity of a child.

Activities such as these help kids learn what reactions occur as a result of their actions, Gutierrez said.

Parents need to realize that kids need to be kids, and when their behavior may at times strike them as, for example, Atention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, they are often normal, said Michael Flora, president and CEO of Ben Gordon Center, 12 Health Services Drive.

It is a matter of understanding what developmental milestones a child should be at and not forcing them to age too quickly, he said.

Flora described this concept as parentifying.

By forcing children to handle a number of household responsibilities beyond simple chores, they are kept from enjoying the simplicities of childhood, Flora said.

There is discussion in the psychology community that elementary schools, once a setting for important developmental milestones, have now adopted an achievement-oriented mentality.

On the surface, it may not seem like a dangerous trend, but the play aspect of school is vanishing, demonstrated by the disappearance of recess in over 40,000 schools nationwide, as found in a recent issue of Psychology Today.

As a result of the NCLB act, younger children are asked to do a ridiculous amount of homework to prepare for standardized tests, Gutierrez said.

This takes away from the development children obtain through more rewarding activities such as playing games or reading for pleasure, he said.

Why is play so important?

“Contrary to the widely held belief that only intellectual activities build a sharp brain, it’s in play that cognitive agility really develops,” according to Psychology Today.

Playing helps children develop valuable social interaction skills that will affect a person in both their personal and professional lives, Flora said.

“If we haven’t worked it out in the sandbox, we’re not going to maintain the ability to work it out [later], whether it’s in the boardroom or the bedroom,” Flora said.

Colleen McDonald teaches parenting classes in Rockford and advocates a parenting style that helps children learn problem solving techniques.

It is important for the child to recognize the authority of the parent, but at the same time, the parent must allow the child to form their own opinions and have some authority over themselves, McDonald said.

The key to raising children properly, she said, is to guide them toward a strong sense of self-identity, a foundation to build upon, while being conscious of those around them.