I thought staying in DeKalb this summer would be easy. After all, I had two good jobs, a decent summer apartment and my trusty bicycle for transportation through the mess of construction at NIU.

Boy, was I ever wrong! My first day here after moving in, I was minding my own business, just biking around on the road to gape at what was left of Lucinda and some idiot yelled out the window of a car nearby, “Get on the sidewalk!”

Ex-SQUEEZE ME!?

Dimly, vaguely I recalled that DeKalb has a law against bike riding on the sidewalk. Hmmmmmm, maybe the idiot just hasn’t heard about this law, I thought, and biked on.

But, tragically, this dingle-dork (as my ex-roommate would say) was not alone in his stupidity.

In the next week, yet another doofus beeped at me, then opened a window of his air conditioned car to shout that well-known phrase, “Get on the sidewalk, (very descriptive phrase involving barnyard animals)!”

My first thought was, does this really matter enough for you to open a window and let the heat in, thereby becoming uncomfortable?

And this jerk was not alone. Uncountable numbers of people have done the same since then.

Naturally, I was shocked, thinking that perhaps my memory had gone. After all, I am a college student. Maybe that last COMS 357 final was too much for me and removed whatever is left of my brain.

But no. I called the DeKalb Police Department and a woman there informed me that in this fair City o‘ Corn, riding on the sidewalks downtown, where I was at the time, is indeed illegal.

What is wrong with these people? Could it be that they want me to do illegal acts? If I did follow their directions, I could just see the paper’s headline—News Reporter Arrested for Biking on Sidewalk; Claims She Was Pressured Into It.

But no, I don’t think I have any enemies (or friends) in DeKalb who want to see me arrested. Beaten up—maybe—but not arrested.

Maybe it’s just ordinary ignorance, a much better theory, in my opinion. After all, no one has ever accused DeKalb residents of being brain surgeons, or Super Sea-Monkeys either, for that matter.

Or perhaps it’s annoyance; after all, these people own the road! How dare a bicycle rider use it and (gasp) delay them!

Well, it’s about time you clowns realize it—I have as much right to use the roads in DeKalb as you do. There is no law that requires bicycle users to ride on the sidewalk. So there.

Come on, people! If you were really in such bad shape that a bike delay of 30 seconds would be vital, you would be in an ambulance, a police car, or some other situation where YOU WOULD NOT BE DRIVING ANYWAY!

So you people who were ignorant before of my rights and DeKalb laws, you have no excuse for your moronic bleatings at me.

Oh, and to the next person who tells me to get on the sidewalk, I wish you a hearty (vile description involving zoo animals)!

Have a nice day and bike carefully.