I have come to accept life as a series of hoops to jump through.

Want to post a flier? Get it stamped. Want to register for classes? Find a way to register during NIU WebConnect’s hours of operation from 7:19 a.m. PST to 8:52 p.m. EST Zulu time on the night Daylight Saving Time expires.

But none of these hoops quite get my goat like the one recently set up by the state of Illinois.

The State Officials and Employees Ethics Act was one of the first things Gov. Rod Blagojevich did after moving the state capitol from Springfield to Chicago and hiring Donald Trump’s hairstylist. SOEEA was meant to force accountability for state workers. Sounds good, right?

Well, cue the gross overreaction and incessant whining, because I was recently informed it affects me – and every student-worker at NIU.

This realization occurred when I sifted through the death threats and restraining orders in my mailbox to discover a memo from NIU. If only it were as simple as putting cover sheets on my TPS reports …

The memo revealed all NIU employees had to visit the much-talked about Internets to undergo online ethics training and complete a quiz on the subject.

The absurdity of this situation is endless. Those hairnet-wearing souls who toil behind NIU’s cafeteria counters take the same test members of the state legislature have to take. (Although, they get to take the test during paid work time.) Shockingly, there is little overlap in ethical dilemmas the two occupations face. The test is not tailored for specific groups, so you have janitors answering questions about appropriate usage of state-issued cell phones and kitchen workers fielding queries on which gifts they may receive in the course of doling out mashed potatoes.

After undergoing the training and completing the test, I’m even more aggravated. The questions are so easy; they are insulting. Plus, you can miss two out of the 10. And even if you miss three or more, you can retake the test, which can actually be completed in less than 10 minutes just by clicking through the literature without reading it.

Because revealing actual questions is punishable by death or listening to Alan Keyes, I’ve generated this mockup.

1. Someone offers you a bribe. What do you do?

a. Beat them to death with a shovel.

b. Sell them a driver’s license.

c. Drink and drive.

d. Refuse it.

Being inconvenienced is one thing, but getting talked down to and learning nothing relevant is something else entirely.

This new ethics act is just that – an act. It is window dressing created by politicians like Blagojevich to make them appear as if they are solving a very serious problem when they clearly are not.

Oh, and if you work in the dining halls and someone offers you Cubs tickets for an extra meatball, do it. Blagojevich and ethics be damned.

Columns reflect the opinion of the author and not necessarily that of the Northern Star staff.

Ironically, Feltes would be in favor of a Obnoxious Pop stars Ethics Act (OPEA).

Sample question: You are a musical act on a live comedy show. With a microphone at your side and your mouth closed, one of your trademark ditties begins to play – suggesting that you were lip-synching. What is the most ethical response?

a. Blame your band.

b. Blame a computer glitch.

c. Blame Jude Law.

d. Take full accountability for the screwup, admit that you suck and seek Feltes for moral and sexual guidance.