Sometimes as you’re walking along the road of life, the road that once was only relatively curved becomes jagged and forked. You are faced with two decisions: Should you be daring, or should you be predictable? Are you wise or are you a dreamer?

I’ve encountered smaller-scale versions of this scenario but never like the one I am enduring right now. I am in the midst of what may be the most difficult decision I’ve made in my almost 20 years on this earth. The confusion, the anguish, the doubts – they have all meshed together to form this ball of stress. The answer that was once so clear has begun to diminish in its brightness, and the answer that was once considered to be the back-up may now be obsolete. What do I do?

I am a community adviser here at NIU. I love my job; I love the people I work with, and I love the fact that I could have an impact on the lives around me. However, being a CA is not without its pitfalls. There is paperwork. There is always at least one resident who resents you simply because you are an authoritative figure. There is always the chance of getting in trouble for things that are not always under your control. But I won’t be a CA forever. Nor have I been a CA all my life.

My true passion is music. I have been a vocalist since age 8, and it is a tradition passed down to me from my mother. I can’t go a day without singing at least a few songs, and performing gives me a feeling of elation that nothing can reproduce. I have dreams of fame and fortune and retelling my story through music so as to touch the lives of those who have lost inspiration and encouragement. The problem arises with the conflict of these two.

CA training starts Aug. 4 and lasts until about Aug. 18. That normally would be OK, but the auditions for “American Idol” in St. Louis are Aug. 8. I would have to be there on Aug. 6 and stay until at least Aug. 9. Now, the ResLife team, as much as I love them, has a tendency to follow rigorous protocol about absentees. So, it appears as though I’m going to have to choose between the two options: stay here and be a CA or audition for “American Idol.”

To put it more frankly, this is a choice between two dreams. Going to audition would mean being forced to relinquish my CA position, thereby making my pursuit of higher education unaffordable. Staying here would mean watching what possibly is my only opportunity for fame slip away before my eyes. I would not care if I did not think I could make it. But there is a spark deep down in my soul that yearns to sing, and it compels me to believe that I can succeed and be on the show. How can I forfeit one dream for another? One fork leads down a path that I can see – two more years of school and a degree. The other leads somewhere that is not as clear and, to be honest, is totally up to chance and factors that I have no control over.

Should I be bold, or should I be sensible? Should I be brave, or should I be smart? All your life you are told to follow your dreams and listen to your heart, but in my heart is music. I can hear it as I sleep. When I wake up, it’s the first thing on my mind. But does that mean giving up my education? It was then that I realized that being smart and being brave never go hand in hand. You always have to choose one. I just never thought that I would be forced to do so. I cannot fully describe just how difficult this is for me. I always thought I would just go to the audition, but now I’m not so sure. I don’t think I’m ready to potentially give up school – even for a semester – if that is the case. Either way, I’m giving up something that will make me regret the other. All of this with the knowledge that if you do what you’ve always done, you’re going to get what you’ve always gotten.

But I’ve decided to not stress about it. This could weigh me down forever, and pressuring one option makes the other reveal more pros and cons. I’m leaving this one up to the powers that be.

Columns reflect the opinion of the author and not necessarily that of the Northern Star staff.