Former NIU Athletic Director Cary Groth is bound for the University of Nevada. NIU President John Peters might be headed for the University of Tennessee. There is no word yet on the intentions of Victor E. Huskie, who was offered a job at Bennigan’s in Scranton, Ohio, late Wednesday night, but it is safe to say that a trend is developing.

I remember the good old days when NIU was known as a suitcase school because some of our student body bolted from town every week. Now the title is becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy, and people who have made wonderful, substantive contributions to this institution are joining that Gollum-looking kid from your floor and getting out of Dodge. There hasn’t been an exodus this large and this fast since Steve Bartman showed up at his family reunion.

Okay, I will concede that Nevada is an attractive destination because of its facilities and its proximity to legalized prostitution. I also will acknowledge that Tennessee is the place to be for good country music (oxymoron), and there is always that chance that you will bump into someone famous there — maybe even Al Gore.

Yet, I am left to wonder what’s wrong with 60115? It might not have the kitsch factor of 37996 or the sex appeal of 89557, but it’s a good, solid zip code.

Groth sadly already has left us, but there still is time to make our case to President Peters and Mr. Huskie.

Aware of the need for a unified, fully coordinated front in this last-ditch effort, I called Kim Kubiak, executive director of the DeKalb Chamber of Commerce Board of Directors and the woman to talk to about tourism in DeKalb. Unfortunately, she wasn’t in the office. Imagine my sadness at learning that one of my last bastions of hope for keeping people in DeKalb was unavailable … unavailable because she was on vacation … unavailable because she was on vacation OUT OF TOWN!

So I was left to my own devices, which explains why these are the only arguments I could muster up for you, Mr. Peters:

+ If you ever run for President of the United States, Tennessee will screw you over and vote for the other guy.

+ I can guarantee you that Tennessee will never, ever win a MAC title in any sport.

+ If you poke the ground in DeKalb with a stick, there is virtually no chance that oil will spring up from the ground, hit you in the eye and permanently blind you. If you poke the ground in Tennessee with a stick, there exists that small possibility that oil will spring up from the ground, hit you in the eye and permanently blind you.

+ There always is that chance that you will bump into Al Gore.

Dang. I really thought I could make a better argument than that. I guess you should leave then.

Columns reflect the opinion of the author and not necessarily that of the Northern Star staff. In the interest of full disclosure, I have been nominated to a position at another college newspaper. However, I remain fully committed to the Northern Star, its continued growth and development and the course we have set for the future … that is until something better comes along, at which point, I am out of here.