You Got Served

By Sam Cholke

“You Got Served,” the new feature from the acclaimed director of “House Party 4,” has broken new ground in film. In the past, scripts and actors burdened movies. No longer is this the case.

If you can make a music video and know some pop stars, you can make a movie. All you need to do is put out some of the hottest tracks on the hip-hop charts and set those kids a-dancing.

-“You Got Served” pulls itself out of being a music video by randomly sprinkling trite and terribly delivered dialogue between the 10-minute dance sequences.

The dialogue comes in two varieties — cliches of black entertainment and cliches of the movie industry. A sparkling example of the latter is, “This isn’t about the money, guys; it’s about friendship.” Which, of course, is contradicted several scenes later, but not before several rousing dance sequences.

The film does try to establish some values. One comes out of the movie realizing the worth of friendship and the power of dance. Yet, the underlying messages of the movie gets a little more complicated and should be noted by parents and youngsters who find themselves susceptible to mixed signals.

Caution, the following paragraphs reveal the one plot point in the movie, so if you don’t like spoilers and you can’t figure out how the movie will end from the trailer, don’t read on.

One, it is OK to traffic drugs. There are apparently only several situations where this is acceptable. You need to be selling the drugs to supplement the income you are making from battling other “dance crews.” It is advisable to traffic more drugs when the rich white kids from across town challenge you to a high-stakes dance-off. It also helps to have Steve Harvey as a guardian angel ready to pull you out of trouble right at the moment when it distracts you from the value of friendship.

It also helps to say something like, “This is bad,” before you meet up with your dealer. The most important thing, though, is to never actually say “drugs,” but imply it heavily. That way, everyone gets the point and you don’t get in trouble.

Two, if one of your close friends doesn’t want to traffic drugs with you because he is too busy sticking his tongue down your sister’s throat, that is not OK. Do not take him back; don’t even let the death of a mutual friend (who happens to be a doe-eyed little kid) deter you from the idea that he did not want to sell drugs with you. Friendship is worth way more than that; you should appraise it somewhere around $50,000 and the death of a small child.

Three, you don’t need to go to school or work. That would just waste time that would better be spent dancing and selling drugs. If this starts bringing you down, you always can dance around in a random rainstorm.

If it weren’t for the brilliant cameo by Lil’ Kim, who exhibits complete confusion when the final teams in the dance-off suggest “taking it to the streets,” I would say this movie is not worth your time.

By tackling today’s difficult issues with nothing less than pure clumsiness, “You Got Served” mystifies all of the critics as it peaks at No. 1 at the box office this week.