Where have you gone, Vanilla Ice? A nation now turns its hopeless eyes to you.

Once a proud nation of party-rap lovers, we are now jaded to the latest wave of derivative hip-hop that all sounds suspiciously like Tupac.

And it’s sad that hip-hop, a potentially brilliant hybrid of musical genres, now is known mostly for two-cent thugs that claim to be worth 50.

This is why you, Vanilla Ice, formerly known as Robert Van Winkle, need to re-surface and save the genre Run DMC made famous.

Yes, Vanilla, I know. Life is hard. You are a walking joke and have been since about 1993. And a couple years ago, Todd Bridges (of “Different Strokes” fame) whooped your ass in three rounds of “Celebrity Boxing.”

On top of that embarrassment, the Vanilla Ice joke is the dead horse of comedy: It’s nearly impossible to a crack a fresh Vanilla Ice joke without intruding on someone else’s.

But that’s Vanilla’s draw — his means to revival. Because if you suck so badly to the point where you are completely and totally unafraid of failure, success is just waiting around the corner. Hey, if Carrot Top can have his own movie and his own commercials, Vanilla Ice can save hip-hop.

For Vanilla Ice, his upcoming success will come in the form of “Ninja Rap 2K3” — a “Ninja Rap” for a new generation, for a dumber generation. The MTV generation.

“Ninja Rap 2K3” will be the sequel to the original “Ninja Rap” recorded for “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: The Secret of the Ooze.”

In “The Secret of the Ooze,” Vanilla Ice improvised “Ninja Rap,” in a killer fight sequence that pitted the Turtles against the foot clan in a dancing battle to the death.

Now all Ice has to do in “Ninja Rap 2K3” is throw a jab or two at all the famous rappers, then collaborate on a track with Eminem’s mom. Then, all the talented rappers will get in the studio and record free press for Vanilla Ice.

Ice, capitalizing on his free press, will then recruit the former Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles for a new movie to promote his fresh new cut.

A ninja revolution, which Vanilla Ice was responsible for starting, will ensue. There will be ninjas in trees, ninjas in houses, ninjas in apartment complexes making cheese quesadillas; ninjas all over.

All the detractors that ripped into Vanilla Ice will have to retract their statements, falling prey to the sensation that will be “Ninja Rap 2K3.”

But then again, this idea all relies on ill logic that was thought up and written at 4 a.m. — a time when ideas like “Ninja Rap 2K3” make sense.

So “Ninja Rap 2K3,” and this M.O.O.S.E. as a whole, might not make any sense. Maybe Vanilla Ice, no matter how hard he tries, will never take over hip-hop again, because he’s a walking joke.

Oh, well. At least he has celebrity boxing.