We as a nation are obsessed with the latter. We watch the E! television network every day hoping for the news of the inevitable parting of ways for Courteney Cox and David Arquette. We read US Weekly religiously with the hopes that Sarah Michelle Gellar finally will get off the drugs and see that she is married to that tool. We hack into government satellites so we can glimpse the moment when Rebecca Romijn finally grasps the fact that she married a Stamos. All right, maybe it’s just me on the last one.

We can’t help it. It’s like looking at a horrible accident as you pass by one on the side of the road, except that the victims here have better nose jobs. It’s one of life’s great joys. Most of us never will be rich and famous, and if we can’t be happy, why should they?

True, it is a hollow victory. When our relationships end, we mourn by gorging on seven-day-old Chinese food and triple-chocolate cake. They go to Tahiti or Paris in their private jets.

Here’s a look at some celebrity relationships that just may be destined for failure.

Gwyneth Paltrow and “that guy from Coldplay”

Why it won’t last: Paltrow already has seen untimely ends to her flings with Brad Pitt and Ben Affleck. Eventually, “what’s-his-name” will get tired of Gwyneth continuously referring to him as “that guy from Coldplay,” just as everybody else does. Seriously, does anybody know that guy’s name? Chris Martin (I looked it up) even has his own version of “It’s not you, it’s me” waiting in the wings: “Nobody said it was easy/ Oh, it’s such a shame for us to part/ Nobody said it was easy/ No one ever said it would be so hard.”

Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez

Why it won’t last: Ah, the granddaddy of them all. There are so many reasons this pair is destined to fail. Lopez lines up future husbands like they were film projects. Affleck likes his hoes. “Gigli.” Still, I think the great cause of concern for this power couple is that Ben Affleck won’t be willing to take her last name.

Cameron Diaz and Justin Timberlake

Why it won’t last: Now, this is just a theory, but I swear that Justin Timberlake has a vagina.

Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher

Why it won’t last: It would ruin the greatest “Punk’d” of all time. Plus, you just know that eventually Bruce Willis will kill Ashton and bury him in the desert, and it won’t have anything to do with him messing with his ex-wife. It’s a medical fact that Bruce Willis has to kill every once in a while to survive because of some weird brain condition he obtained from having to kiss Cybill Shepherd repeatedly on “Moonlighting.”

Greg Feltes and Avril Lavigne

Why it won’t last: Oh, it will. The extreme lack of communication and the presence of a restraining order are just small obstacles that we can overcome together as a couple. Our love is true and she will see that when I cut out my heart and send it to her. I probably will be dead, but the gesture really should move her.