Believe it or not, Uncle Fester was more like an Uncle Pester — and Mom had an impact that was more like The Bomb.

While these villains might not be what you think, they still scared the hell out of me as a little kid. Without further adieu, the top five unconventional Nintendo titans of terror:

1) Those long, inopportune “Tetris” columns: You were buried in them when you didn’t want them and they stayed away from you when you needed them most.

Finally, when one finally did fall your way, you’d be in such a jam from waiting for the thing that you would already be up to your eyes in immovable, awkward blocks of doom.

2) Dog: Yeah, we all cheated in” Duck Hunt.” But even an inch away from the television, we still missed the ducks. And then a stupid dog would spring from the bushes and bark sarcastically, in a mocking, pretentious tone.

If only the Nintendo Zapper worked on the dog. Bark, bark, bark? Does the little doggie want to bite? Well, say hello to my little friend!

3) Blue screen of certain, instant death: If you saw the blue screen, it meant your game crashed. And then you’d have to take out the game, blow great, saliva-filled gusts of wind directly into the cartridge and hope that this somehow remedied the situation. It always did.

4) “Fester’s Quest”: This is the hardest game made in any universe, ever. This also is the lamest game in any universe, ever. It was about Uncle Fester from “Addams Family” fame and his stupid quest to do what no one remembers because no one could beat it. Why?

Because Fester was weak, and his weapon was useless.

After getting hit twice, he died. No continues. Just death, pain and a whole lotta four-letter words. Man, !@#$ “Fester’s Quest.”

5) Mom: No matter Fester, the “Tetris” column, the blue screen or the dog, whatever Mom said went — her word was (or shall I say, is) the omniscient say in everything, from Nintendo to phone bills to clean underwear.

Mom: Casey, turn off the Nintendo.

Casey: Why?

Mom: Because I said so.

Casey: That’s a stupid reason.

Mom: No, it’s a great reason because I’m your mother. Now off.

Casey: Five more minutes.

Mom: No more minutes.

Casey: … *turns power off*