Hollywood is opportunistic and exploitative. I am told it also has some bad qualities.

Only in Hollywood could a movie idea based on an event be pitched and bought less than 24 hours after the event occurred.

“King of Queens” star Kevin James was watching Game 6 of the National League Championship Series when Steve B. (To protect his identity, I am withholding his last name) took his place in Chicago Cubs lore and impeded Moises Alou’s attempt to catch a foul ball, costing the Cubs a critical out.

Steve’s father, one Ted Bartman, defended his son, but the city still is crying bloody murder.

-Sensing pain and suffering, James jumped into action to get a movie deal. He will develop and star in “Fan Interference,” a comedy based on the incident. By my reckoning, the deal was announced sometime between an Alex Gonzalez error and Jack McKeon taking out his dentures that evening.

The turnaround time on this was faster than a Kerry Wood high heater. Besides the speed, I also am amazed someone needed to pitch this and that James gets credit for “his” idea.

If there can be two asteroid movies, two volcano movies, two movies about a track star no one ever heard of and three “Lord of the Rings” movies, why can’t there be two magic-foul-ball movies?

So I hereby make my pitch for Greg Feltes’ “The Guy Who Single-Handedly Cost the Chicago Cubs the Season and Will Be Irreparably Scarred for the Rest of his Life and Should Be Subjected to Massive Torture at the Hands of those Evil Guys from that Movie Whose Name I Can‘t Remember: The Movie.”

Plot: Chet Bauer was just your average Cubs fan with a mysterious past and even murkier future. His girlfriend is a Marlins fan who wants Chet to make a commitment, or she’ll be on a plane to Africa in the morning. Bauer also has discovered a cover-up at his human resource/ consulting firm of a viral strain that could wipe out the entire Midwest.

With all this on his mind, he receives a mysterious package with a ticket for Row 9, Seat 11 for Game 6, along with a turtleneck and headphones. When a foul ball is hit in his direction, a cryptic voice orders him to reach out for it. He does and prevents Moises Alou from making a catch. The Marlins, subsequently come back and the fans take it out on Bauer.

He is led out of the stadium and into a life of intrigue. Can he win back his girlfriend? Can he expose the cover-up, stop the virus and save the Midwest? And just who set him up by sending the tickets? No. Yes. Dick Cheney.

Directed by: McG.

Starring: Keanu Reeves as Chet Bauer. The role requires an oblivious moron. Enough said.

Christopher Walken as Mark Prior: The frustration on Prior’s face was palpable, and no one does a slow burn quite like Walken. Imagine an expletive-filled rant on the nature of Major League Baseball rule 2.00, letter D.