You feared it, you hated it, you probably knew it could one day kill us all in a moment. But admit it, sometimes you miss it.

That’s right, we at M.O.O.S.E. take a look back at that glorious institution called communism.

Now calm down, Nick Arhos, before you think we’re preaching some leftist ideology. Remember that M.O.O.S.E. is a neutral zone of free politics. Besides, we aren’t bright enough to engage in political debate — we needed a dictionary to find out what ideology meant.

While we admit communism probably sucked for the millions of people trapped in its oppressive grasp, it gave us something that we, as a nation, urgently need today — great movie villains.

There is nothing scarier than a big-bearded, thick-accented communist. Trust us, we’ve seen hundreds of them. Maybe not in real life, but in the place where they were cast the best: as villains in the rash of kick-ass action movies during the ’70s and ’80s.

However, since the fall of communism, we have been left asking a variety of horrific questions. Where have all the communists gone? Why do action movies suck, especially those starring a washed-up comedian and action-hero duo?

The real shame surrounds these pathetic shells of action films and their new menagerie of chowderhead actors. This is a travesty; these new films typically feature villains of a new and less threatening form of business: the media.

Trust us. As employees of the media industry, there is nothing remotely scary about this industry, except when they screw up one of our paychecks.

Yet, our hearts yearn for the days of real fear. The commies in “The Hunt for Red October” were as scary as standing in a bread line. Those commies were real and hardened by life on the mean streets of the U.S.S.R. — not to mention armed to the teeth with apocalyptic nukes.

Nothing was scarier in that film than the cracked-out KGB cook with a mindset to launch World War III underwater. Now, nothing is crazier than taking on Sean Connery, Mr. 007 himself, except this whack-job did it underwater.

Seriously, what was more deranged than all three villains in the “Die Hard” trilogy? We’ll tell you: nothing. These guys had entire armies of crazy-eyed loonies ready to take over America, and all that stood in their way was Bruce Willis. We didn’t sleep until that wall fell in Berlin, and then, we still couldn’t sleep, in part because it’s tough to sleep on wet bed sheets.

So, what’s our quick-fix solution? Well, call us deranged, but it involves Hollywood. Yes, Hollywood.

We advocate that Hollywood should ban together to purchase three or four nuclear warheads. These puppies probably would cost less than churning out another Rob Schneider flop-job film.

Hollywood then could send these off (along with Rob Schneider) to one of those loose-cannon communist nations, like Cuba or North Korea. Those people have the heart and soul of what communism was all about — scaring the bajeebus out of freedom-loving Americans. This should stir up some national fear and really work this country into an unstoppable tirade of epic pants-wetting proportions.

From there on out, Hollywood can do the one thing it does best: make mountains out of molehills.

Sure, one could argue there are real threats Hollywood could use for its films, but seriously, would anyone be afraid of a nation they couldn’t pronounce? Krezmurkimastan just doesn’t scare us.

Remember the rule of thumb: If 40 percent of Americans can’t locate it on a map, it’s just not scary. That’s what made the U.S.S.R. so scary; it took up 90 percent of every map. It invaded both the Asian and European chapters of our geography and world history textbooks.

So we are politely asking all of you notorious commie villains to please come out of the woodwork and give us more action films full of fear so that the rash of films starring The Rock can end once and for all.