Restrooms. They all deal in the same business, but are all washrooms built alike?

There are a lot of buildings on campus, and each has many johns. It is now my endless pursuit to find NIU’s finest throne.

After exhaustive research and a belly full of subpar Mexican food, I set out on my epic quest. I graded on such categories as scent, aural style, privacy, adequate reading materials and type and amount of toilet paper.

Hands down, Watson wins for abundance of reading material. Every time I go in there, there are at least four issues of the Northern Star to read.

Plus, there are tons of delightful scribblings on the wall. I’m not entirely sure what “Yhuba Gold” is, but for only $20 an ounce, how could I go wrong? An honorable mention goes to the black seats. They’re just so classy; it’s impossible to tell if they’re dirty. “They’re huge,” said graduate student Erica Hawkinson. “I didn’t find that you have to wait in line, like you do in DuSable.”

Aside from being well-sized, they are also well-stocked. “It is always clean, and I have never run out of adequate supplies,” said communication professor Laura Vazquez. They also have air sanitizers that seem to go off every half hour, spritzing nice-smelling odorizer into the air.

DuSable’s restrooms are unique in design. There are two entrances and on select floors, the urinals drape to the floor. How liberating! But it appears they were short on supplies when building the stalls because they clearly don’t go anywhere near the ceiling, leaving me with an uneasy feeling when utilizing them, as if at any moment I could be under direct scrutiny from a passerby.

The worst restroom on campus goes to Reavis. From the dank lighting to the multicolored stalls, it makes me wish I never made bodily waste. There is janitorial equipment laying everywhere, and inside the handicapped stall, there are three urinals, defying comprehension.

From the double-door entrance to the futuristic stainless steel garbage cans, is it any question that Barsema would have the newest, cleanest, best-lit bathrooms on campus? Perfect-height stalls, and full-length mirrors adorn the walls for those vain and pampered business majors.

But alas, it was too clean and I only found one copy of the Star. For my money, it’s too sterile. It feels like the bathroom has a superiority complex. I refuse to have the bathroom make me feel like what I’m leaving behind when using it. You may be the prettiest, Barsema bathroom, but my heart belongs to another.

It may not be the prettiest, it may not be the cleanest, but it just feels right. Watson Hall, I crown you … the best bathroom on campus.