Vampires, werewolves and black leather. How could you go wrong? See “Underworld,” and you’ll know exactly how.

Though “Underworld” was released at a time when people turn their attention to “Oscar-caliber” films, it grabbed the top spot in the box office this past weekend, grossing roughly $22 million. That’s $22 million America probably wishes it had back.

-There actually was a moment in this film where I wished I was back seeing “Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines,” but then again, no one should have to go through that twice.

“Underworld” gives a dramatic glimpse into a battle that has been raging for nearly 14 centuries: Vampires vs. werewolves. The only problem is, who cares?

Several features in the film distracted me.

The whole time I watched this movie, all I could think about was, “Wow, Scott Speedman has a huge neck.”

Secondly, I now am afraid of werewolves. Weird? You know it. Honestly, and I give “Underworld” credit. The werewolves are quite terrifying.

As for the plot, it was troublesome. To try to describe the storyline on anything but a facetious level would be a venture in futility. It features a seemingly endless sequence of plot twists, none of which succeed in shocking the audience. Has anyone seen the film “Basic”?

Then there was the overly explicit use of “vampire chic” fashion. I don’t know, but there is something about well-dressed vampires drinking blood from crystal chalices that just doesn’t agree with me.

I always like to look for the good in any movie, though. In “Underworld,” I found my salvation in Kate Beckinsale. I have been smitten with her since I saw “Serendipity.” She’s gorgeous and certainly rivals Carrie-Anne Moss (Trinity, “The Matrix”) in black leather.

The combination of the vampire and werewolf cultures just doesn’t gel.

When it comes to vampires and werewolves, I’ll still take Sean (Andre Gower) and “The Monster Squad” any day.