After sorting through the latest candidates for the governor of California, I found that Gallagher is running alongside the slew of midget childhood stars, smut peddlers and ex-terminators.

I started laughing and thought to myself, “Oh, that wacky Gallagher, what will he do next?”

“Who the heck is Gallagher? Is that Carrot top?” asked senior visual communication major Shannon Dils in confusion.

Shock fell upon me. Who’s Gallagher?

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What do you mean, who’s Gallagher? How could someone not know who Gallagher is? It’s not like he was John Ritter. Many peopIe, including junior textiles and apparel in merchandise major Rocio Lopez, once shared my affinity for the comic, but later grew out of Gallagher’s comedy.

“I don’t find his stuff funny anymore,” said Lopez.

Maybe it’s because my friends don’t share my love for really bad prop comics. Or maybe it’s because they lived productive childhoods.

Whatever the case, Gallagher was an ‘80s icon. Good or bad, Gallagher pushed the limits of prop comedy into one gooey watermelon mess and paved the way for the best prop comic of all, Carrot Top.

What if Gallagher incorporated his watermelon antics into his political conquest?

When asked about his political policies, Gallagher could pull out a watermelon and smash it on the podium. If I lived in California, Gallagher would get my vote.

Although watermelons made him famous, Gallagher wasn’t limited to sweet fruit. The “Sledge-O-Matic,” Gallagher’s projected runningmate in the election, is the answer to every problem. Need your house cleaned? Smash some detergent. Want juice? Smash the fruit. Wanna win an election? Be a prop comic.

Senior special education major Eric Briscoe once saw Gallagher perform years ago. And yes, he saw the “Sledge-O-Matic.”

“When I saw him in Rockford, he smashed a douche,” said Briscoe.

That said, what exactly are Gallagher’s political standpoints?

Gallagher feels that because the population of California is 50 percent Hispanic, there should be a dam built across the Gulf of California to create a fertile Mexico. He also feels that Californians should sing a Spanish version of the “Star Spangled Banner” at 50 percent of all sporting events.

Gallagher also is for banning loud, cell-phone using idiots.

Gallagher even has plans to run in the next presidential election. Forget produce, I’m sure Gallagher would smash his own kidney for a shot at the presidency.