Who’s that one guy?

By Casey Toner

Every so often, a character appears who appeals to the general audience in some strange manner.

Lassie, for example, was a life-saving dog. Not only was she practically bronzed for her heroic deeds, but I’ve heard Lassie is getting her own holiday in foreign countries.

There are others, too – Kevin from “The Wonder Years,” Homer from “The Simpsons” and Tim “The Toolman” Taylor from “Home Improvement” all are beloved television icons.

Then there are those different kinds of icons. The kinds of icons who more resemble parasitic heartworms than lovable critters like Alf.

Steve Urkel is indeed one of those diseases that the general public was stuck with. Urkel is the television equivalent of stepping into a pile of dog crap that doesn’t leave the back of your shoe. Think Carrot Top.

No kidding – Urkel wouldn’t leave television in any one shape or form. In fact, Urkel evolved. He invented a transformation machine that changed him into Bruce Lee, Stephan or some other weird creation.

And before too long, “Family Matters” started to center whole episodes around Urkel and his scientific half-brother Stephan. But, alas, this wasn’t too steep of a ridiculous storyline. In the past, Urkel invented a crime-fighting robot, saved Carl from a heart attack, cured him of his fear of heights and finally married Laura, the continual object of his love life.

And yes, Urkel was an annoying twit. He single-handedly wrecked half of the Winslow furniture – and basically invited himself to any important Winslow function with A.T.D. (Absolute and Total Destruction) in mind.

Preluding the chaos, Urkel would 1) invite himself into the Winslow residence and 2) announce his presence to the world with a “Heidy Ho Winslows,” in that nasally tone of voice.

“Family Matters” must have come to the point where the director and his cronie were like:

Director: Man, this Urkel kid sucks. He’s loud, annoying, nasally, and he wrecks all our stuff. Why don’t we kick him off the show like we kicked off the aunt after one of the seasons?

Cronie: Probably because without Urkel, we wouldn’t have a show. It’s like the Bible without Jesus.

Director: Good point.