Wowee! Spring Break!

Time to bust out the Sega and “NHL ’94.” My beloved Detroit Red Wings, led by the explosive package Dino Ciccarelli, won’t stop rocking all week, baby. I’m taking them all the way to the Stanley Cup this Spring Break, again and again and again. Whoo!

Elsewhere, in Mexico, students are running wild, sucking down liquor like rabid, alcoholic booze tanks.

Perhaps this collegiate excursion into hedonism is only what I’ve seen on MTV during my “NHL ’94” time-outs.

MTV, bless its soul, has been hammering the idea that all college students, during that priceless week of Spring Break, are total and complete jackasses.

The MTV crew has been reinforcing this common stereotype since the early ’80s when our nation’s finest academics herded into Panama City for a chance at B-list stardom.

“Fame Or Shame” was a “Gong Show”-type contest that pitted unusually talented guests (one guest could slide a spaghetti noodle in and out of the cavity that connects the nose to the mouth) against other “special” entertainers.

If you were booed offstage, the punishments varied. One year, the losers were placed in a steamy port-o-potty with bean-eating Elvis impersonators. Another time, WCW wrestlers Kevin Nash and Scott Hall wedgied the losers off the ground and painted them blue.

“Springer Break” committed several acts of immorality, featuring whipped cream bikini contests amongst the debauchery. One poor girl, post-bikini contest, bent over and exposed a very un-whipped area to the male-dominated crowd.

“Singled Out,” the Jenny McCarthy and Chris Hardwick fueled dating game, has roots in MTV’s Spring Break. The dating game show was an excuse for the blonde McCarthy to hump the college contestants. And Jenny, baby, if you are reading, there’s still time to marry the M.O.O.S.E. dawg.

Finally, the image of a sexy, bikini-clad young woman making herself into a human taco will go down into the annals of drunken college wackiness.

Words of wisdom: If you plan on doing the MTV Spring Break Dumbass Extravaganza, don’t be that girl. Don’t lather in meats, cheeses and sour creams. Don’t be a human taco.

And if you do, remember that I’ll be watching to exploit your every move. Between bouts of Sega, that is.